Could it be I am still solid?
Could it be I am still whole?
Because my chest feels so compressed
And I feel heavily depressed
And everything inside hurts
And I feel so uncertain about the rest...

I see no crevices or cracks
But my heart breaks in half
And my stomache feels empty
And I'm shaking completely
But I am still standing
Breathing
Yet I feel like I'm about to crack...
How do I proceed when I feel so at a loss
When my chest feels so heavy and my mind feels so lost?

The temperature rises and it's getting so hot
The drugs in my system put my mind into absolute shock
But the white keeps me alert
And the green keeps me calm
The rainbows make me smile
And the rest just does its' job and blocks what needs to be blocked
But I know these delays won't last
And I'm pacing the room with fogged intentions
Not clear on which road to cross
I lay on riged concrete waiting for a response that will never come

And I know the answer is not self mutilation
Or slef elimination
But why does it all look so much easier if my presence was simply gone?