My Secret Monster

August 6, 2016
By , Mesa, AZ

It started with one word: envy

I envied her choppy new hair style and sloppy smile

I envied the strange cuts explained through excuses full of twists on her bony wrists

My monster was given life when I first dragged scissors across my skin with a grin

It fed off my emotional mix and anxious ticks

Soon, I began to willingly submit my soul to further abuse and slowly lose control

My addiction consumed all in its path leaving my parents and friends to deal with the disastrous aftermath

The monster in my head fed the anxiety within my self-doubt and caused the paranoia in my head to lash out

At night, I snuck my weapon of choice to draw pretty lines on my legs to silence the little voice

My life became consumed with hiding the scars and providing food for my secret monster

After 4 years of fighting, I found myself suffocating in the pain behind my fathers eyes and thousands of complex lies

With my loved ones' help, I climbed out of the dark void enveloping my very being and destroyed the chains enslaving me 

No longer was I a puppet controlled by my addiction that forced restriction

My scars are battle wounds reminding me of the bars that once held me prisoner

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