I'm finding it hard to find time to find things out about myself becasue the finding is time consuming and I'm rooming alone nowadays thinking about writing wanting to be drinking and fighting looking for a change of pace from some proverbial rat race that's pretentious I'm an idiot why do I write when he's better and he said he did why do I spew words onto paper and let my thoughts dissolve into vapor that's bulls*** and I can't seem to savor a word of it my piece have you heard of it it's about a metaphorical allegory for choking one's self sexually does it have artistic merit here let me see does anything have artistic merit is it all I lie is art completely dead or am I just dead inside wait noone says that it's diatribe it's also the reason I'm kept up at night no it's insomnia stop over intellectualizing you could get a proverb out of bombing Sri Lanka sit silently just stop wishing you were better you've got a girlfriend now how the hell did you get her shut up subconcious I'm important and my feelings are valid yeah sure Christian you're looking a little palid that rhyme didn't fit in it's something I put in it's s*** I should sit in on a real writer's master class to channel my goddamn thoughts but they'd write with a purpose and I do not I write on this site because it's a sight than thinking about it and screaming about it and teeming about it dreaming about finding an audience a platform for a smattering a way to gain focus to uninhibited chattering lattering a former of depression and anxiety and angst which is a euphanism for hormones so actually no thanks is this admittance a disgusting tribute to the finding yourself generation is it a self aggrandizing substitute for legitimate adulation ior s it wordy agitation a demonstration of a complacent nation fine with spitting on paper and calling it a thesis a thirteen page dissertation on mediocrity and self immolating education a glowing altar for a life of no importance or a cry from a mellenium who is not sure of themselves and thinks noone is there for us