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I Am.

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I was the kid who broke
three toy drumsets because
I banged so hard on them.
I learned the best way to eat is to
eat with a big mouthful, lots of
laughter, and a hearty meal.
I’ve held my baby brother and
baby sister in my arms not an hour
after they were born, their soft skin
and warm heads resting on my arms.
I’ve heard the cries of the cruelest
physical pain possible, as well as the
harshest emotional pain, several times.
I lost over ten things in one vacation
in the rocky and hill-filled South Dakota.
I’ve held 600 crushing pounds on my shoulders
once when I was lifting weights.
I’ve had a concussion that sat
me out for half of my 8th
grade year of football.
My friends are few and far
between. But the few that I do have
are extremely important to me.
And I have been manipulative in the past, almost
to the point of getting my parents divorced,
accompanied by voices loud enough to go
deaf.
I saw the Berlin Wall taken down, in person.
I can’t explain it. But I know I was there.
I’m still the avid football fan, ever since
my dad introduced me to football
by trying to pronounce Brett Favre’s name.
I once got high on gases coming
out of a greasy cleaning solution in
a summer school class.
I once learned to say
“Say darn it, not damn it” when
my dad swore and tried to correct me.
That was an interesting explanation
to the rest of my dad’s relatives.
I once dated a girl in 5th grade.
That was the only official
girlfriend I’ve ever had.
And only once went on a roller
coaster, to see if I liked it. The violent
wind and the sickening speeds and
drops was too much for me. I did not.
I’ve driven through Gary, Indiana.
The smoky air and the run down
buildings with the broken glass
said a lot about the community.
That was an awful experience, to
say the least.
I have rarely done anything ever
worth telling in a story.
I’ve melted a plastic spatula in
a smoking hot pan before. The acrid
smell almost drove us out of the house.
I’ve often lost mittens and hats galore.
Probably enough to make a mountain,
complete with snow and a vertical
climbing surface.
I’ve been scared by monsters in
my closet, as well as several
jumpscares by my brother.
I have killed dozens of ants
on my scooter, just rolling
over them on a warm sunny
day.
I’ve felt my dead grandma’s
presence, and God’s love
beyond anything imaginable;
I have been brought beyond tears.
I have a grandpa who is
in several hall of fames and
has played in the Rose Bowl.
I am (My Name), the only one
that will ever be, and I am
underappreciated for who
I am on the inside. Few
people will ever decide to
know the joy to get to know
me personally.




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