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D.O.W.N. (Drowning On My Way To Nowhere)

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I feel down.
Too deep in the water.
I just wanna holler.
I’m somebody’s daughter.
If I had the chance I would
Call my mother and tell her I love her.
Then call my sisters and my brothers.
And my daddy if he ever answers.
I wish he could see me,
Know that I reached the high standards.
I feel like I’m gonna drown,
In the deep sea.
And nobody’s gonna hear me.
It starts off slow,
Then gets fast.
I can’t breath underneath,
I’m trapped.
Could you imagine with your clear eyes,
Having a painful death like mine?
When you can barely breathe,
Absorbing all the pain.
Tryna get all the bad things off your brain.
Going insane,
Crying all night.
Feeling real dumb,
Got an overactive mind.
Sometimes I feel down,
Like I’m gonna drown.
Stuck underneath,
There’s no way out.




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ConsalvatorThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 29 at 5:35 pm
Now THIS. THIS you could feel the emotion behind. There was a purpose to the poem, and I really connected with it. Your rhythm on this poem could use a little work, the lines were uneven, but the rhymes actually fit better than I would have expected. I actually began rapping this under my breath and was really impressed how far I could get before a line became awkward or off by a syllable. Excellent job.
 
missfloetryThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
today at 8:43 pm
Thank you!
 
GagaxThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Aug. 12 at 7:53 am
this is amazing!! it reminds me of when u cant sleep at night because you are thinking too much! its really well written.
 
poetic.eyesThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Aug. 5 at 6:31 am
This is so emotional, I love it! I feel like this poem would lend itself well to being spoken. I could really see someone performing this piece. Very good flow. Keep writing!
 
missfloetryThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 6 at 2:58 pm
Thank you for taking the time to give me feedback. I really appreciate it!
 
kirstyIThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 25 at 7:59 pm
I can see the emotion you put into this poem and the emotion makes this poem great!
 
missfloetryThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Aug. 5 at 5:24 pm
Thank you!
 
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