Baggage | Teen Ink

Baggage MAG

June 16, 2016
By IsabelLee BRONZE, Vernon Hills, Illinois
IsabelLee BRONZE, Vernon Hills, Illinois
1 article 0 photos 0 comments

I’m 7, and
In my lunchbox, my mom has packed me kimbap.
My eyes widen as I take it out, each roll like a vibrant full moon-
Flaky black seaweed and white rice, wrapped around colorful carrots and egg and fishcake.
The kids crowd around me as I take out my chopsticks. They say,
“That smells gross. Are you eating dog?”
My mouth dries up. I don’t want to eat anymore.

66 years ago,
My grandmother is also 7, and
In a small North Korean household, there is no backpack, no lunchbox.
Instead, she reaches into a tattered knapsack,
Searching for any food she might have missed, anything,
The bag is empty.
And with war on the horizon-
With smoke billowing from nearby villages, with the Reds looming over their every move-
It is likely, she knows, that this knapsack will not be full anytime soon.

I’m 11, and
We learn about the Korean War in school.
It’s funny- when you’re a kid,
There’s always got to be a ‘good guy’ and a ‘bad guy’.
So when I raise my hand
And tell the class
That my great grandparents had once worked for the North Korean Government,
I suppose I had to be the bad guy.
The next day, someone has scrawled obscenities all over my locker.
I blink back tears, and reach into my backpack,
Take out some tissues, and start to scrub.

62 years ago,
My grandmother is also 11, and
She fumbles as she reaches into her bag to find her ticket,
Her hand trembling as she holds it out for inspection.
She boards the boat and stares into the ocean.
It is grey and silent and cold, much like the hum of her own heart.
She doesn’t dare turn back. She doesn’t want to see the smoke anymore.
The boat drifts off in silence.
The long journey to Seoul begins.


Today, I’m 15, and
Whenever I tell people about my family’s history,
Whenever I empty out this bag I carry, full of stories, of struggles, of a pilgrimage across an ocean,
All they can say is, “You’re North Korean?!”
No, I say. I was born in Chicago. But-
My North Korean family, my North Korean heritage, my North Korean blood,
That is who I am.
That is what I’m carrying.

So I close my bag.
58 years ago, my grandmother closes hers.
We hoist them onto our shoulders and keep walking.
And although sometimes it is heavy, sometimes it is inconvenient,
Sometimes it feels like it is carrying the world,
We refuse to be ashamed of our baggage.


The author's comments:

Isabel is 15 years old and a senior in high school. She's been drawing and telling stories since she could hold a pencil and probably won't stop until she's physically unable to. Although she was born and raised in the Midwest, her north and south Korean heritage remain central to her identity and self-expression. When she's not typing away at her computer or proving the derivative of hyperbolic sine, Isabel likes to bike in the forest, draw in her sketchbook, and stargaze.


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This article has 1 comment.


on Jun. 22 2016 at 10:09 am
socialkaysualty PLATINUM, Dover, Delaware
25 articles 0 photos 37 comments

Favorite Quote:
Let us go then, you and I,
When the evening is spread out against the sky
Like a patient etherized upon a table;
Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets,
The muttering retreats
Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels
And sawdust restaurants with oyster-shells:
Streets that follow like a tedious argument
Of insidious intent
To lead you to an overwhelming question ...
Oh, do not ask, “What is it?”
Let us go and make our visit.

In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo.

The yellow fog that rubs its back upon the window-panes,
The yellow smoke that rubs its muzzle on the window-panes,
Licked its tongue into the corners of the evening,
Lingered upon the pools that stand in drains,
Let fall upon its back the soot that falls from chimneys,
Slipped by the terrace, made a sudden leap,
And seeing that it was a soft October night,
Curled once about the house, and fell asleep.

And indeed there will be time
For the yellow smoke that slides along the street,
Rubbing its back upon the window-panes;
There will be time, there will be time
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;
There will be time to murder and create,
And time for all the works and days of hands
That lift and drop a question on your plate;
Time for you and time for me,
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions,
Before the taking of a toast and tea.

In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo.

And indeed there will be time
To wonder, “Do I dare?” and, “Do I dare?”
Time to turn back and descend the stair,
With a bald spot in the middle of my hair —
(They will say: “How his hair is growing thin!”)
My morning coat, my collar mounting firmly to the chin,
My necktie rich and modest, but asserted by a simple pin —
(They will say: “But how his arms and legs are thin!”)
Do I dare
Disturb the universe?
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.

For I have known them all already, known them all:
Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons,
I have measured out my life with coffee spoons;
I know the voices dying with a dying fall
Beneath the music from a farther room.



So how should I presume?

And I have known the eyes already, known them all—
The eyes that fix you in a formulated phrase,
And when I am formulated, sprawling on a pin,
When I am pinned and wriggling on the wall,
Then how should I begin
To spit out all the butt-ends of my days and ways?



And how should I presume?

And I have known the arms already, known them all—
Arms that are braceleted and white and bare
(But in the lamplight, downed with light brown hair!)
Is it perfume from a dress
That makes me so digress?
Arms that lie along a table, or wrap about a shawl.



And should I then presume?



And how should I begin?

Shall I say, I have gone at dusk through narrow streets
And watched the smoke that rises from the pipes
Of lonely men in shirt-sleeves, leaning out of windows? ...

I should have been a pair of ragged claws
Scuttling across the floors of silent seas.

And the afternoon, the evening, sleeps so peacefully!
Smoothed by long fingers,
Asleep ... tired ... or it malingers,
Stretched on the floor, here beside you and me.
Should I, after tea and cakes and ices,
Have the strength to force the moment to its crisis?
But though I have wept and fasted, wept and prayed,
Though I have seen my head (grown slightly bald) brought in upon a platter,
I am no prophet — and here’s no great matter;
I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker,
And I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and snicker,
And in short, I was afraid.

And would it have been worth it, after all,
After the cups, the marmalade, the tea,
Among the porcelain, among some talk of you and me,
Would it have been worth while,
To have bitten off the matter with a smile,
To have squeezed the universe into a ball
To roll it towards some overwhelming question,
To say: “I am Lazarus, come from the dead,
Come back to tell you all, I shall tell you all”—
If one, settling a pillow by her head



Should say: “That is not what I meant at all;



That is not it, at all.”

And would it have been worth it, after all,
Would it have been worth while,
After the sunsets and the dooryards and the sprinkled streets,
After the novels, after the teacups, after the skirts that trail along the floor—
And this, and so much more?—
It is impossible to say just what I mean!
But as if a magic lantern threw the nerves in patterns on a screen:
Would it have been worth while
If one, settling a pillow or throwing off a shawl,
And turning toward the window, should say:



“That is not it at all,



That is not what I meant, at all.”

No! I am not Prince Hamlet, nor was meant to be;
Am an attendant lord, one that will do
To swell a progress, start a scene or two,
Advise the prince; no doubt, an easy tool,
Deferential, glad to be of use,
Politic, cautious, and meticulous;
Full of high sentence, but a bit obtuse;
At times, indeed, almost ridiculous—
Almost, at times, the Fool.

I grow old ... I grow old ...
I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled.

Shall I part my hair behind? Do I dare to eat a peach?
I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach.
I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.

I do not think that they will sing to me.

I have seen them riding seaward on the waves
Combing the white hair of the waves blown back
When the wind blows the water white and black.
We have lingered in the chambers of the sea
By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown
Till human voices wake us, and we drown.

That's very powerful. You should not be ashamed of your North Korean heritage, it is not you specifically that is making the bad decisions. Much like the religion of Islam and its correlation with ISIS, people just assume that you're bad if you're affiliated with North Korea. But I know that not everyone is, and this article has helped me think that. So thank you. :) you have talent, keep writing