The silence stretches so far between us

The air is still, no, oh, there’s nothing left to discuss

I’ve given you my all

My love, my tears, everything, large and small

I’ve given and given

And received so little in return, but because it was you, I’ve forgiven

I used to be sorry

I thought it was my fault our life wasn’t starry

I would lay awake

Ignoring the ache, trying to salvage this break

I tried and tried

And every time it happened again, little by little, I died

And, despite it all, I had faith, not in you, but myself

That if I tried, I could fix me, fix us, and it would all resolve itself

I used to feel

Empathy, anger, sadness, jubilance, it was all real

But now, an emptiness stretches inside of me

Resignation, a barren wasteland, an endless sea

Where no flowers bloom or fish swim

Where every once in a while laughter will skim

And then in an instant be gone

Giving a taste, then cruelly taking it away, like a beautiful dream foregone

I used to be a fighter

I wrote my own destiny, I was my own scriptwriter

I’d hold onto dreams, so tight, I’d never let go

Now, my grasp is so weak, along with dreams, hope slips right through

I could stare down any fear, I’d look it straight in the eye

Now, I can’t even lift my head up high

I stare at myself in the mirror, and I can’t recognize

Who is this stranger with bags, and frowns, and sadness etched in the eyes

I lean a little closer, oh, it’s me

I guess, to a degree

I stare a little longer, no its not, this stranger is not me

I used to be a fighter, no, this weakling is not me

Now, staring at some devastated version of myself

I realize my heart is so cold, isolated by an ice shelf

When did it become this way

Sometime between the unhappy Friday’s and lonely birthdays

I lost that fighter

I lost that scriptwriter

So I decide, I’m going to fight again

This time it won’t be in vain

Because I’m going to fight, not for us, but for me

To once again be

The fighter, the scriptwriter,

To relinquish the weight of the world on my shoulders, to walk a bit lighter

To thaw the iciness around my heart

Even if we have to depart

To recognize the image in the mirror

To see myself unencumbered by bags, and eyes, and sadness, to see myself a bit clearer

To hold my head up high,

Stare down fear straight in the eye

To dream

And see them gleam

To laugh and laugh and laugh

And laugh

To feel something besides this apathy

Jubilance, anger, sadness, human empathy

To be an endless sea

Of warmth, sunlight, and life, to be

To reignite the fire inside my soul

To be alive, to be whole

To forgive myself

For the errors we both committed against ourselves

To be the fighter

The scriptwriter

The silence stretches so far between us

I can’t crawl, walk, run, swim, or fly to cover this infinite distance, and thus

I can’t give you my all anymore

I can’t give you what you ask for

Because now, it’s time for me

To be

A fighter

A scriptwriter