Heaven was a place on earth with you. Affection, passion. Living like the world was built for two. Big dreams. Bright eyes. You went out every night. Walked out the door. Flinging my silent pleas in the trash on your way out. Now my heart breaks; every step that I take. I feel so alone on the Friday nights. No making me laugh. Just making me cry. I thought you walked on water. Don’t make me sad. Just make me smile. Kiss me hard in the pouring rain. But I saw the rain washing you away. You sank beneath the waves. The sly creature inside you slithered out. I fell for that cocaine-filled heart of yours. The fiery words smoothly twisting from your lips. “You worthless w****. Not ever Satan would want you. Nobody cares about you. If you tell, I will kill you. People will be watching you.” Your venom spitting from your soft seductive lips. Gun held cold against my temple. In tears, silently taking orders. Following the routine. Every time I close my eyes, it’s like a black paradise. I love you, you say. Irresistible to buy. And that melted my tar black heart once again. Kissing in the blue dark. Held me roughly with his drunk arms. Your toy. Your joke. Your entertainment. Everything I do, I do for you. Chasing paper on the side. Liquor top shelf. Fooling everyone. Smiling like a diamond. Face glowing. Long sleeves, turtlenecks, baggy jeans. Hiding the shame and fear. Home. Welcomed with a concoction of frosty brutal insults. Dodging threats like sharpened daggers. Thrown around; worthless. Only a grain of sand. Scorching water bouncing off my battered body. Cold tears curled around my ashen frame. Salt burning my open wounds. Eyes glued, mouth pressed shut. Wound in a ball under the shower head. Trickling water. Quiet. You come in. You took apart the lock when you feared me leaving weeks ago. Softened voice. I love you, he whispers. Soothing and tender. Winning me back once more. Convincing, brainwashing me back. I will love you til the end of time. But then again, you and I were born to die.
You Call Me Worthless, But I Love You
May 1, 2016