It feels heavy,

It feels like you constantly have rocks in your pockets, and your brain is telling you to jump in the river but your heart knows that you don’t really want to.

You feel broken, like a piece of china and that everyone is just looking for the cracks in your surface until you break.

Any moments of happiness feel fleeting, like dreams that you had while on drugs.

And that’s why so many of us turn to poisons, to feel normal, they pop pills instead of slitting their wrists, but many still do the latter.

And the problem is you both feel something and nothing and too much and not at all.

It is the indescribable unstoppable fear of nothing and there’s no escape. 

Everything weighs you down.

I shouldn’t be afraid of telling my mom when I am sad but I feel like a burden on those who love me for not being strong all the time.

And when I try to be strong, people get so used to it that when I’m not it scares them.

They say things like “I don’t understand”,

But the problem is neither do I.