You never know when doubt sneaks up on you
Unannounced and with no warning.
Makes you hate it all.
Makes you want to quit it all.
You never know when it is accompanied by guilt.
Makes you hate yourself.
Makes you feel unworthy.
They both crawl to your depths,
shutting down whatever light
you had to break walls to get.
Extinguishing the small simmering flame
you managed to light after a painful cold,
wrecking havoc in your mind,
destroying the barely built base you had.
You think surrendering means freedom from the pain.
It is nothing but adding to that pain
to the point where you feel
too used to it to even care,
it is nothing but numbing.
So wipe away your tears.
Pick up your hammer and break some more walls.
Find the remaining shreds of your broken hope,
and stitch them back together.
Rekindle another fire.
Then you go pick up that sword.
The one you abandoned on the dust of your lost will.
Fight your doubt.
Work for your desire.
And leave the door open,
for one day your guilt will bid you a farewell.
Advice easier said than done,
for my mind is a battlefield,
and I am on the losing team.