I thought I had moved on.
Honestly I thought I had.
After all that I had gone through with you,
All of the frustrations and pains.
It was the logical thing to do, the smart thing.
But I had never been smart when it came to you.
I’m still not apparently.
You’d think that after you broke my heart as many times as you did that that would’ve changed.
After the pain I went through to get you to talk to me and to wait for you to reply back.
I cried so many times because I was just waiting.
Waiting and hoping that things would be different.
That you would change.
You never did.
I’m still crying though.
Still waiting too.
Such a stupid thing to do. Such a waste of time.

We had called it off, agreed that it just wasn’t going to work.
Friends was okay though. Friends we could do.
Honestly that didn’t work either.
And then I moved over three thousand miles away, so what’s the point right?
Half a continent and an ocean between us.
It’s amazing how true “Out of sight, out of mind” turns out to be.
For you anyways.  For me you are pretty close to a daily thing.
And it’s not like we have modern things like texting and email to connect us, right?
Because long distance it too hard for you.
Hard for me too just in a different way.

It’s amazing how many times I said I was over you.
Declared that you were gone from my life and never coming back.
You never did.  It was always me who was stuck in the past.
It took me months to get over you.  Closer to two years actually.
I was just never quite sure.
I do have a tendency to hold on longer than I should.
But I finally felt like I had accomplished letting you go.

I met someone in my new ward.
He’s kind and a good person.
Doesn’t hurt that he’s attractive either.
And I started texting him.
And I was scared and cried.
Scared that it would be like it was with you. Cried because that was the last thing I wanted.
Constantly waiting for a text that never comes.
A relationship that was all one sided.
Because as much as I tried not to let my time with you affect me it did, it does.
It’s just something that can’t be helped.

But in texting him I realized something: he’d be better as a friend.
Who cares about a boyfriend?
I really don’t need or want one anyways.
And I don’t like anyone and that’s just fine.

Today I got thinking about you though.
I’ve been thinking about the song you wrote.
Considering using it for my project in music.
Wondering if you’d mind.
Probably won’t but maybe I’ll ask anyways.
And like I do about half the time I find myself thinking about you, I looked you up on facebook.
Not to be a stalker, although I have some of your pictures committed to memory.
And not to get you back, I’ve learned my lesson by now.
Just to see how you’ve been and what you’ve been up to
I didn’t expect much, never do.
You’re like me, not on social media that often.
Wasn’t much that was new so I decided to take a look at the old.
And like I said, I thought I had moved on.
After seeing those pictures though, I’m not so sure.
I try not to live in the past but with you that’s all I seem to do.
I don’t know what I want of if I want anything.
Maybe my uncertainty came from missing home.
Who knows.
I do know though that if I wanted you, you wouldn’t take me.
And if you took me you wouldn’t mean it.
And if you meant it, it wouldn’t be worth it.
And if it was worth it, I would take it.
Too many bad memories.
So I won’t want you.
Simple. Easy. Done.