I know this is bad timing and not

exactly the right way to say it,
but I've got a couple of things I want to say.
I'm no where near perfect and
I just want to remind you that
I make the dumbest mistakes.
Forgive me if this is a mistake.
I used to throw love around thinking
it was a force to be played with.
I used to think I loved you from the day I met you.
But then you showed me what love was and
I realized I only had a school girl crush.
But now time has flown by and it's been
a year and I'm desperately trying to figure out how I feel.
This is nothing I've felt before,
my heart doesn't beat on my own will anymore.
My blood freezes and my life seems to empty without you in it.
This may be a terrible reason to tell you,
but I believe that this is some form of closure.
I know you don't love me and it's
taken me a year to be so serious about it.
The more I try to conquer this feeling
the more it spreads and the more I am defeated.
There is nothing I can do but give up,
and I give up and I fell in love with.
It took a long time for me to realize it,
it took a long time for me to figure out this.
This is a confession from me and you can leave me,
abandon me at the end of this letter.
Throw it into the garbage and never have to see it again.
Or you can come and get me,
stand out in the rain until I spot you and
confess your undying love for me like I did to you.
But I know you don't love me so there is no point
in hoping that I'll ever share a kiss with you in the
pouring rain under the dimmed porch light
while we are both shivering and
smiling and filled with happiness.
This is a horrible way to tell you,
but I've fallen in love with you.
It's been a roller coaster ride and
I was nearly thrown off on so many different occasions.
But you were there and you grabbed me and
saved my life and now I owe you too many times.
If I could find a better way to confess the
emotion from the bottom of my heart I would
stand before you with my shaking hands and
tell you in the most sincere voice.
But I can't and I think you know why so
let's not spend all too much time imagining that.
But if I could, I would tell you just like that.
I would whisper the words in my shaking voice,
telling you I'm falling down down.
Telling you I'm so in love that I don't
know what's happening anymore.
Telling to that all I think about it's how
your eyes shine and how my name sounds
on your lips and how you smile so wide
and how my heart stutters and I lose my breath.
I would utter the words and I would be
so afraid that you won't utter them back.
I would try to rub the sweat off my hands
on my jeans and I would be rubbing my feet
together in my converse sneakers.
But I know that I won't ever do that.
I can't promise you much,
but I can promise you that if you read
this and you hate me I'll never contact you again
and I'll do my best to get over you somehow.
But your the most potent drug that's ever touched
my sanity and I'm going insane and
you're the anchor keeping me from getting lost out at sea.
I've fallen in love despite trying so hard
to get you out of my mind.
I've fallen in love and there is no way
I can pull myself out of this tragedy
that will eventually unwind.
I've fallen in love with you and there
is hardly any hope for me left.
So tell me you love me back.