We used to lie on our backs, head to head, shoulder to shoulder, soul to soul,
staring up at the stars.
Our little sixth grade minds,
so young, so pure.
We’d laugh ’til our stomachs hurt, jump with exuberance, grasp each other
when excitement clouded our brains.
We thought we were in love, we thought we were grown up, we thought the world fit right into the palms of our hands.
Well, it does.
Two years later and what happens now?
Boy after boy after boy after boy after boy after boy.
Lies upon lies upon lies.
You’re all over, three hundred sides, not even a polygon anymore.
But I’m still lying here, one eye
on the universe,
one eye on you.
Cheating on homework, flirting with boys, ridiculing everyone around you.
Judging my life with that cruel smirk on your face, saying my opinions
Then pulling me in for a hug and an
I love you and a kiss on the cheek.
Ignoring the way that anger clenches my jaw
Because there’s only you in this world.
There’s always been only you.
The girls in the locker room, the ones we used to laugh about
behind our hands,
the ones we used to hate, they talk.
You’re so skinny, I’m jealous!
Ugh you’re so gorgeous. No wonder all the boys love you.
And you laugh and talk with them,
compliments and jealousy and lies.
There’s fake written all over your Cheshire grin, and I know later you’ll pull
me by the arm, and tell me their secrets,
only to pull away once more.
Is that all I am to you?
A safe for your secrets?
A locked cabinet for you to write down
every little detail they tell you?
For you can’t possibly store them all yourself, there’s just too many.
And you know I’ll never let those little birds go, never set them free
because you know
I have no one but you.
This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.