A Daughter's Sorrow | Teen Ink

A Daughter's Sorrow

June 4, 2015
By alaina_h BRONZE, Wilmington, Delaware
alaina_h BRONZE, Wilmington, Delaware
4 articles 3 photos 35 comments

Favorite Quote:
I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. -Audrey Hepburn


I saw my daddy sound asleep,
A bottle forgotten at his feet. 

Tenesse Whiskey, strong and cheap;

Yet I just stood with a thoughtful frown,

As mommy sat and weeped. 

 

He woke up groggy,
Those blue eyes foggy,
Their vibrance beginning to seep.
I knelt down and brushed a tear,
Off his tired and worn out cheek.

Daddy, I pleaded, I need you here.
I grasped his face, so precious, so dear,

Full of an anger masking a fear.

I was invisible, his blue eyed twin,
Beat by a bottle of beer.

I begged him to speak, of kindness or doom.
I had forgotten his voice;
The echo, the boom.
My childhood wonder had plundered and succumbed,
To the reality of life,
And the pain that I knew.

His soul was lost to a bottle of whiskey,
So he sat in his misery, quiet and listening.
Over the years I told him the tales,
Of the good times we had when he was still Dad.

Soon I became wrinkly and brittle,
And his eyes became glassy with the weight of his failure.
In these bottles, his sorrows would drown;
And there they stayed,
Six feet down.


 


The author's comments:

I think that childhood is a precious, delicate thing, and these types of situations can leave imprints on people that last a life time.


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This article has 13 comments.


on Jul. 20 2015 at 9:46 pm
KatalyticReaction GOLD, Frisco, Texas
17 articles 1 photo 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We need more completely sane people doing completely crazy things.” -Hank Green

This is definitely a beautiful and powerful poem with a strong message. I know others have already given you enough grief about the rhyme scheme, and I'd have to agree, but you're already aware of it so I won't say much more about it. On the whole, it's a wonderful piece. I especially loved the line "Full of an anger masking a fear" for some reason. Anyway, you're a very talented writer, and I highly encourage you to keep writing; I'd love to see what you have next.

on Jul. 20 2015 at 8:22 pm
SomeoneMagical PLATINUM, Durham, New Hampshire
22 articles 1 photo 260 comments
This is a very good poem. I think you did an excellent job. Writing a poem that rhymes and makes sense and is also beautiful at the same time, that takes a lot of talent. Keep up the good work!:)

on Jul. 14 2015 at 12:57 pm
izzywrites BRONZE, Wheaton, Illinois
2 articles 0 photos 3 comments
This poem carries a heavy message.I love it! Keep up the good work!

on Jul. 6 2015 at 6:40 pm
alaina_h BRONZE, Wilmington, Delaware
4 articles 3 photos 35 comments

Favorite Quote:
I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. -Audrey Hepburn

I know, I'm really having trouble with the first stanza..for some reason I just can't make it work :/ If anyone has suggestions, I'd love it

Calum SILVER said...
on Jul. 6 2015 at 5:35 pm
Calum SILVER, Oshkosh, Wisconsin
7 articles 0 photos 25 comments
This is really interesting. I think others have commented on the rhyme scheme not being entirely consistent. the line, I was invisible, his blue eyed twin, might sound better if it rather than 'beat by a bottle of beer,' it said something along the lines of "his desire for me conquered by his perilous addictions." Nice message!

on Jun. 30 2015 at 6:44 pm
alaina_h BRONZE, Wilmington, Delaware
4 articles 3 photos 35 comments

Favorite Quote:
I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. -Audrey Hepburn

Thanks for the advice! I definitely get what you're saying, and I agree...

GMHH01 BRONZE said...
on Jun. 29 2015 at 8:32 am
GMHH01 BRONZE, Concord, Massachusetts
2 articles 0 photos 4 comments
The last two lines are amazing! Great job! As Beila said sometimes the rhyme scheme is a little bit off. one thing I think would improve the poem is to lengthen the body of the poem. Maybe something about his posture? Did he say anything? Besides those two little things, the poem is really good! Great work!

on Jun. 24 2015 at 7:01 pm
alaina_h BRONZE, Wilmington, Delaware
4 articles 3 photos 35 comments

Favorite Quote:
I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. -Audrey Hepburn

Thank you! Your poems are gorgeous.

on Jun. 24 2015 at 12:14 pm
Anna141 PLATINUM, Yarmouth, Maine
23 articles 0 photos 29 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain."

Auth

This is a very emotional and powerful piece. I really liked the rhythm it carried throughout! Keep writing!

on Jun. 23 2015 at 4:40 pm
alaina_h BRONZE, Wilmington, Delaware
4 articles 3 photos 35 comments

Favorite Quote:
I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. -Audrey Hepburn

Yeah, the more that I read this the more I'm picking up on the flaws in the rhythm of the poem...I'll make sure to try and be more consistent in the future. And I know, hahahahaha, weeped isn't a word but I was desperate to make it rhyme, so I was hoping people just wouldn't pick up on it....Lol!! Thank you so much for your honest feedback, it's really given me valuable insight :)

Beila BRONZE said...
on Jun. 23 2015 at 3:06 am
Beila BRONZE, Palo Alto, California
3 articles 0 photos 519 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco." -Mark Twain

Wow. The writing and the message are both very powerful. In fact, the rhyme also adds a meaningful layer to the poem, and I tend not to appreciate rhyme. Unfortunately, though, your rhyme scheme isn't consistent throughout, and that threw me off a couple of times. Try reading through your poetry out loud before you post to catch those little jolts in the otherwise steady flow. Also, it kills me to say this, but "weeped" is not a word. In fact, the correct term would have been "wept," and the fact that this word would not have fit the rhyme scheme makes this a doubly tragic error. :P However, other than these two notes, I love the way this tugs at the reader's heart. The relationship that you capture is raw and vulnerable, and the ending is spot on for the mood of the poem. Well done.

on Jun. 22 2015 at 10:19 pm
alaina_h BRONZE, Wilmington, Delaware
4 articles 3 photos 35 comments

Favorite Quote:
I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. -Audrey Hepburn

Aw, thank you so much!!

Izzy777 SILVER said...
on Jun. 22 2015 at 4:26 pm
Izzy777 SILVER, Tampa, Florida
9 articles 0 photos 63 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I always wonder why birds stay in one place when they can fly anywhere around the world. But then I ask myself the same question."

POWERFUL! very very very powerful, I love it! I can relate so much. You have talent, girl.


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