You’re the one I clung to for so long. 
I push away now with every year gone.
You’re so bright without being bright at all.
Am I even bright at all?

My thoughts are dark when I think of you.
Will I gain in places other than my backside and thighs?
Maybe if I don’t have kids…
I won’t make the mistakes you did.

Will I know what I want 30 years down the road?
Will I have the strength you never show?
It’s there in you, I know…

But the more I see your reflection in my eyes,
The louder the ripping sound inside.

You’re beautiful, and vibrant,
Like someone my age.
Perhaps my sister all the men say.

Are you truly more beautiful than I?
Maybe that’s why I’m a lone,
While there’s always someone by your side.

I feel sick when thinking it’s not true.
That I’m a better, smarter, prettier version of you.
And that same sickness, thinking otherwise.
Why must I be so close to the things I love and despise?
I wish to be my own person, still knowing faults would arise.
But maybe what I really wish…
Is to blame myself instead of you.