Concealed Identity | Teen Ink

Concealed Identity

May 20, 2015
By Katie Cappetta BRONZE, Fond Du Lac, Wisconsin
Katie Cappetta BRONZE, Fond Du Lac, Wisconsin
1 article 0 photos 0 comments

A true identity of someone can be hidden.
With the fakest smile that seems so real.
With you questioning the world,
but no one gives you the time of day for you to explain the pain.
You want to explode.
Explode of all the pain, suffering, and anxiety built up inside.

The fakest smile seems the realest,
when the pain hits the hardest in life.
You could blink away each tear,
just to hide that weak moment you have.
The so called happiest person
I bet is the weakest person you know.
Your heart is broken into a million pieces,
but in front of people they believe nothing changed,
except that your smile is only bigger.
They don’t realize that your smile is bigger
because it holds back the tears.

You question the world,
because of all the torture you’ve been through.
You question the world,
because you survived so much hatred in your life.
The torture you survived put you in the worst possible place.
Realizing each person in your life isn’t always going to stick around,
especially when things are tough for you.
Just when you think you have everything,
everything begins to fall.
The strongest moment in your life,
will last for a brief moment and then it will fade away.

Everyone you get close with lasts for so little time.
You always think the problem is yourself.
Then reality kicks in,
the actual problem is them nevering caring about you.
Them never caring about you,
led into your darkest path.
You never thought you would have been good enough,
for anyone.
You did the only thing that you thought was best.
You broke.


Breaking from pain, suffering, and the anxiety that built up.
It kills you knowing you let them win.
You let them win because the pain hurt so much,
it hurt so much to hold any longer.
Bottling everything up hurts more than what you did.
Every secret.
Every heart break.
Every cry.
Every pure ounce of pain caused,
is what tore you down.
You can’t seem to find the ladder to help you up.
Instead you let the pain just sit there with you,
until you rot inside for good.

That latter wasn’t the latter to Heaven,
it was the latter to hell.
The latter of hell brought you drowning into a frenzy.
The frenzy of sorrow.
You’re so down into that sorrow you question existing.
Existence to your own self.
Asking yourself what is the reason to live,
or even to be happy.
Not even being able to breath while thinking about the word happiness.
Faking happiness has now caught up to your life.
When you’re trying to fit into someone’s shoes,
they don’t fit.
You take them off.
You can’t take off the mask to show your true identity.
You’re afraid to show everyone who you really are.
When you tried showing who you really were,
they were horrified.

You being the master of identities,
tell how you keep the mask of happiness so screwed on tight.
The nails that are used screw onto you,
are the one’s who are stabbing you.
The puncture of each thrust into the pain,
it only kills you more.
You’re screaming to be let free of the torture,
the silence and the insecurities.
The self-consciousness is reaching deeper,
and deeper into your soul.

 


A true identity of someone can be concealed.
With the fakest smile that seems so real.
With you questioning the world,
but no one gives you the time of day for you to explain the pain.


The author's comments:

Everyone goes through heartbreak. Many people understand the struggle of faking a smile every single day because they have clinical depression. 


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This article has 1 comment.


on May. 22 2015 at 12:06 pm
TaylorWintry DIAMOND, Carrollton, Texas
72 articles 0 photos 860 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Never fear shadows. They simply mean there's a light shining somewhere nearby." - Unknown

Holy cow. Stop. Take your hands off the mouse. Now stand up and hug yourself. Because that was the flipping best poem I've ever read about clinical depression. You can sit back down now. - Katie, this is truly excellent. I feel like this is the kind of poem I try to write, but I never can get all those little punch-lines like you have used throughout this poem. Exhibit A: "The so called happiest person I bet is the weakest person you know." Exhibit B: "They don’t realize that your smile is bigger/because it holds back the tears." Exhibit C: "The puncture of each thrust into the pain,/it only kills you more." These three lines are only a small sample of your amazing ingeniousness showing through your writing. Perhaps my favorite part of this whole poem is the title (I know, I'm sorry). The assumption that every depressed person is concealing their real [depressed] identity is really clever and painfully true. What they show us is only a facade; you hit the nail right on the head with the mask analogy. I could go on and on about how great this poem is in so many ways, but I don't think I need to. I think you know already. (: Excellent job. *wipes a tear*