Tattered.

Broken.

Deppressed.

Distraught.

Proundly hurting.

Feeling like crying.

Ha oh wait,

I have been crying.

I have been feeling this pain for days.

All because of a boy.

I guess I'm that weak, pathetic, all it takes is one boy to drop me back down in the hole.

But.

He isn't just any boy.

God he was the best.

My first real taste at love.

At someone caring.

And damnit it was so sweet.

Too sweet to last.

Like a sucker.

Sweet and short.

I guess I should have went for bitter and lasting.

But I want him happy.

So I will let him go so he can fly free and see the other cute little birdys.

Maybe find one that doesn't have broken wings.

God I wish the best for him.

I gave him my heart.

I knew he would break it.

God I f***ing knew he would.

Even though he is well deserving of someone to give him their heart.

Enen though I knew, I wasn't scared.

He will toss my deffective heart out soon.

I wouldn't want it either.

But maybe now I don't have to worry about loving again.

God I hope so.

I pray so.

Love is painfully real.

Maybe I just want to live in dream land and have a roster of guys again.

I never get hurt that way.

It's a mutual use.

I can just pretend it's Sam.

Maybe the sex will feel better too.

Maybe be a little closer to love.

Reality is all I have ever had.

I never got to pretend as a child.

Now I wish I could pretend this isn't reaking havoc on me, but it is.

I hate saying I need something,

but I really need someone to cry on.

Tell me it will get better.

I just need someone.