the only love i've ever known is one that doesn't want me. it's a love that doesn't love me back. a love that values the curve in my waist and the taste of my lips above the sound of my heartbeat or the way that i can't sleep unless my door is shut. it's a love that has the hands of a man but the heart of a boy and eyes that, for some reason, are blind to my value as a person but can see perfectly my potential to fulfill its own needs. this love that i know has only ever worn me out. it feels great for a while but the love i know has taught me that temporary things feel amazing until you realize how quickly they're going to be gone. the love i know isn't real love, it's the closest thing i know to it but i don't want this to be love. i don't want love to leave me breathless on my bedroom floor. i don't want love to convince me that i'm not good enough. i don't want love to only pay attention to me when he wants to. i don't want to be available to love. i don't want to let love tear me apart and i don't want to feel that awful pain where there is no one to blame but myself. i don't want it to be my fault anymore. i don't want to be the cause of my own downfall. the only thing i've ever let love do is hurt me and leave me feeling as though there is no other way. i've let it turn me into someone i'm not and i've loved him so long i don't know how i will ever be able to stop.