Death's Sting | Teen Ink

Death's Sting

April 19, 2015
By EvalynnHeather GOLD, Clemmons, North Carolina
EvalynnHeather GOLD, Clemmons, North Carolina
16 articles 4 photos 64 comments

I see a dying light in my eyes,
A sad and stormy gray.
I hear love in his long gone voice,
And in all of the words to him I can never say.

Rain clouds shrouded the sky
On March seventeenth.
I was too hurt to ever cry,
But the ghost of him never did leave.

The coffin is placed in the ground,
Followed by a parade of tears,
I feel the sharp sting of death,
And scream yet no one hears.

So I smile and lift my chin,
And act like I'm okay.
I know Death is waiting to chalk another win,
But it will have to wait another day.



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This article has 6 comments.


on Mar. 17 2017 at 9:29 am
EvalynnHeather GOLD, Clemmons, North Carolina
16 articles 4 photos 64 comments
Thank you very much! The meter in this poem isn't my finest, true, but if you look at my more recent poetry, I think it's gotten better

on Mar. 17 2016 at 1:07 pm
EvalynnHeather GOLD, Clemmons, North Carolina
16 articles 4 photos 64 comments
thank you so much!!

Lmkleck BRONZE said...
on Jun. 7 2015 at 11:44 pm
Lmkleck BRONZE, Sand Springs, Oklahoma
4 articles 0 photos 2 comments
It's beautiful!! Please keep posting!!

on Jun. 5 2015 at 1:46 pm
Allen. PLATINUM, Palo Alto, California
32 articles 9 photos 525 comments

Favorite Quote:
[i]No matter how much people try to put you down or make you think other things about yourself, the only person you can trust about who you really are is you[/i] -Crusher-P

I like the beginning, I like the ending, I like everything in between. There are a lot of emotions swimming through your poem, and the rhyme is wonderful. The one thing I would fix here is meter/rhythm. Watch those syllable counts!

on May. 25 2015 at 7:28 pm
EvalynnHeather GOLD, Clemmons, North Carolina
16 articles 4 photos 64 comments
Thank you! :) I know, meter and tempo come naturally to me in music but it's not quite the case in poetry, still a work in progress!

on May. 24 2015 at 11:06 pm
Consalvator BRONZE, South Jordan, Utah
1 article 0 photos 41 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Wow. Your message is beautiful. The fight of death is normally such a cynical one, but this poem I felt was more of hope than despair. My only advice is be a little cautious of the meter it seemed to get off tempo at a few places. Other than that it was brilliant. You're a great writer! :)


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