what does it feel like to care about everyone around you when the only sympathy you receive is from the teachers who notice those scars you hide under your sleeves that happen to tell a story that no one bothers to ask?

it takes you back to your past that explains the self-inflicted, painful, and rhythmic gashes that mimic the happiness you always lacked. and then you started to drink because of all the stress that you had, when the ironic part was: you became just like your dad. but the satisfaction of it all was equivalent to the way those needles were punctured into your veins only to release what it felt like to be free. and to feel free is what you craved and what you chased after ever day and no matter how close it was to your reach, you were never able to keep up with what you always wanted to be because you were being weighed down by what you thought was a bad day or a bad week; oh god, it was a bad year and I knew this depression and the rejection and every single imperfection acted as your enemy but soon proved to be something even worse.

and these problems you had surrounded your life like they had legs and a voice. they would follow you around until you turned off your light and got into bed and they became the shadows and voices inside your head. and the whispers got so loud and kept you up at night and it was a fight between you and your problematic, unrealistic, invisible friends that had been around since you were 10, when you first saw those lights and the darkness and what the world offers. all you could do was shout and panic because you were so innocent and already losing sanity. and you were too young to question your morality, experience brutality, understand mortality, and twist your mentality, but you couldn't perceive the difference between your own dreams and  your reality.

and even though you cared for everyone around you, your only friends were the depression, and the rejection, and every single imperfection. all you wanted to do was break through and tell your story so they understood the truth, but all of them misconstrued every detail about those voices inside your head and saw you as abnormal instead.