Do I still make you feel reckless?
Biking twenty miles to the nearest post office so you could send a package
1400 miles north
To a girl you were trying to make happy.
Sweat dripping out of every pore,
One week later
You'd never felt more glorified as when your phone dinged with the conformation of my happiness.

But that was eons ago.

One year later, give or take
Unpacking a box filled with things I deemed
Super-Important Keepsakes
I found a CD you burned me
That I never listened to.

So I listened.
And cried, felt like breaking 
Like my heart and my brain were taking hits at each other.
Then I sealed it in an envelope
Addressed 1400 miles south
All the way back to the boy who biked twenty miles for me.

You know I'd really like to have faith in you and say
You'll send me back an empty envelope save the friendship bracelet I gave you.
But the truth is,
Last time I wrote you
You never wrote me back.

There are a lot of truths that I'm finding it hard to admit to.
Like how you're in my saved searched on twitter,
Or that you haven't tweeted since April
And your blog got deleted
And sometimes I wonder if you're even alive.

I know I should delete your number and erase your address
Maybe then I'd get some relief, maybe less stress
But I never would, knowing if I get rid of your number no one will give it back
And the only other person who has your address I could never ask.

I have to remind myself that every time
Our only mutual friend brings me up
You become cold and change the subject
Because I guess I'm too painful now.
I'm too painful!
Like I was the one who left bloodstained love notes
All over my heart
And like you were the one who was terrified of falling asleep and spending the next whole day apologizing for it.

It's not my fault the name "sweetie"
Tastes like 3 AM on a bad night on my tongue.
You called me that.
"Love you sweetie,"
Sounds like third-degree burns
From my retinas,
To my ears,
To my heart;
All the places you lived.

Please don't write me back.