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Our Relationship Would Be Easier If You Could Just Play Nice This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.


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She emitted a snarl that warned
of her vermilion rage,
and seized the shiny, silver toaster
(my breakfast cookware of choice)
and brandished it above her head
with threats of defenestration.
Oh dear, how will I ever create
exquisite frozen waffle dinners?
In one gnashing breath, she shrieked
and launched a rocket full of profanities
my way while simultaneously dumping
(with excessive grace) my gleaming
toaster into our saltwater aquarium.
Save the fishes!
You’re not listening to me, are you?
No, not really. I know better.
Your words lose all sense of direction
when you are worked up like this, my dear.
Her cyan eyes flashed another warning –
the Doppler radar is forecasting severe storms.
Be prepared for anything, brace yourself.
I attempted to pacify the raging tempest; still
she captured some large wooden spoons
and red rubber spatulas (safe to 450°F)
(among other blameless bystanders to our fight)
and hurled them with unfailing inaccuracy.
With a splashing slap to my face, she snatched
her keys from the counter and with a BANG
stormed from our apartment for the last time.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.




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This article has 275 comments. Post your own!

Swordpen This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 18, 2010 at 5:34 pm:
I've been there with many a phsyco ex-girlfriends and you depict the picture well I saw myself in the poem and it made me laugh great job.
 
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Dragonscribe said...
Oct. 18, 2010 at 5:04 pm:
I love this poem! And that's really all I have to say...
 
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kewlguy said...
Oct. 18, 2010 at 11:05 am:
its so interesting...!
 
babygirl1990 replied...
Oct. 18, 2010 at 1:26 pm :
where did this take place at and were
 
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GangstaEyes This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 18, 2010 at 8:30 am:
This poem inspired me to try a new way of writing. Your use of parenthesis is so clever, I had to incorporate into some of mine. (If you're not too busy, I'd really appreciate you commenting on my poem He Loves(?) Me.) Keep writing, you're really good. :)
 
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xXBrokenxNightmareXx said...
Oct. 4, 2010 at 10:43 am:

This is truly amazing and I love the wide vocabulary you used....It gives it a nice interesting feel to the poem...And I love the humor......5 stars all the way this was utterly amazing :)))

 

P.S. If anyone has the time, Please check out my work :DDD Thankies....

 
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Ashley97 said...
Sept. 26, 2010 at 5:12 pm:
I feel pathetic when I compare my writing to yours. I think you deserve an applause.
 
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pinkypromise23 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 26, 2010 at 4:29 pm:
wow this is amazing!!
 
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LilLizzyBeth said...
Sept. 26, 2010 at 10:01 am:
This was actually really good! I loved the paraenthases () details that you used that we really didnt need to know but that added humor to the story. Nicely Done.
 
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ApoctalypticAngie said...
Sept. 26, 2010 at 8:59 am:
I really like how you created a scene. I also love your choice of words and the insignificant details that you gave like, "Oh dear, how will I ever create exquisite frozen waffle dinners?" Very best ever :)
 
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starxoxo23 said...
Sept. 26, 2010 at 8:10 am:
I love this! Great vocabulary and imagery - and I love how you portrayed the guy's sarcastic sense of humor. Awesome job =)
 
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animalgirl said...
Sept. 26, 2010 at 2:33 am:

that was really good!!!

one of the best!

 
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vballychick:) said...
Sept. 16, 2010 at 1:20 pm:
Yes it does. Just read it carefully.
 
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MaddieGr This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 4, 2010 at 7:45 pm:
Defenestration = best word ever.
 
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oriink said...
Sept. 4, 2010 at 7:40 pm:

correction:

i amor.

<3

i'm sorry.

 
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oriink said...
Sept. 4, 2010 at 7:36 pm:

Charming.

Quirky, yet tastefully serious. The ending did it's job and your characters took their bows. tu amoir.

<3

 
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anythingandeverything said...
Sept. 4, 2010 at 8:18 am:
I love how you used so much humor with such a serious topic and wording style. it's fantastic!!
 
WickedPrincess replied...
Sept. 4, 2010 at 5:33 pm :
luvin itt........
 
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. said...
Sept. 4, 2010 at 12:18 am:
i loved it!!!!!!!
 
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gUnNa-B-fAmOuZ said...
Aug. 13, 2010 at 2:41 pm:
luv it very well written an descriptive
 
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