Our Relationship Would Be Easier If You Could Just Play Nice This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

January 28, 2009
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She emitted a snarl that warned
of her vermilion rage,
and seized the shiny, silver toaster
(my breakfast cookware of choice)
and brandished it above her head
with threats of defenestration.
Oh dear, how will I ever create
exquisite frozen waffle dinners?
In one gnashing breath, she shrieked
and launched a rocket full of profanities
my way while simultaneously dumping
(with excessive grace) my gleaming
toaster into our saltwater aquarium.
Save the fishes!
You’re not listening to me, are you?
No, not really. I know better.
Your words lose all sense of direction
when you are worked up like this, my dear.
Her cyan eyes flashed another warning –
the Doppler radar is forecasting severe storms.
Be prepared for anything, brace yourself.
I attempted to pacify the raging tempest; still
she captured some large wooden spoons
and red rubber spatulas (safe to 450°F)
(among other blameless bystanders to our fight)
and hurled them with unfailing inaccuracy.
With a splashing slap to my face, she snatched
her keys from the counter and with a BANG
stormed from our apartment for the last time.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.

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WerewolfWriting said...
Feb. 5, 2011 at 10:00 am
Oh jeez, this was so funny! XD
DarknessForever13 said...
Feb. 5, 2011 at 5:09 am

Wicked, man!! This was hilarious, ROFLMAO!! keep writing, if you can, or if you don't mind, could you please check out my two newest articles? They are "Sister", and "No one would think.". Ratings, and comment welcome. :-)

(This sounds like my brother's previous marriges)

Fran94 said...
Jan. 17, 2011 at 2:23 pm
This is a really good poem! Very vivid and realistic! I get this feeling that you feel sarcastic or cynical about the fight. Although, I could be wrong. I love the details!
lyrical_assassin said...
Jan. 15, 2011 at 2:02 am
What I loved about this ... oddly enough, is those details you added ... it painted a very vivid picture of the fight going on. Brilliant.
coly33 said...
Jan. 14, 2011 at 8:51 pm

ohhh not bad and haha the toaster fo' some reason tht sounds funny tht she throw the toaster!

poor fish they died from a flying toaster!!!


KunaiNinjaFighter said...
Jan. 14, 2011 at 8:01 pm
NUUU~! NOT THE TOASTER! Good poem btw.
BelleVie11 said...
Jan. 14, 2011 at 7:29 pm
In reading this poem, I felt bias. Obviously there is an antagonist and it is clear. But I admire your description of the fight with such reality! Very good job, keep up the good work!
ummmmm said...
Jan. 14, 2011 at 2:28 pm
good job you really are a good writer i like toasters
Nick121 said...
Jan. 14, 2011 at 8:07 am
that was great =]
evenlyodd said...
Dec. 8, 2010 at 2:48 pm
good job =]
ohdearestbrie said...
Dec. 1, 2010 at 11:54 am
Love, love, LOVE it!! Keep writing!!!!
ohdearestbrie said...
Dec. 1, 2010 at 11:53 am
Love, love, LOVE it! Keep writing!!!!
Nyrihaz said...
Dec. 1, 2010 at 10:37 am
This is very good. The details make the poem funny at points, making you really be there, on the scene. The narrator seems used to the fights, almost distracted, far away, with a casual, almost sarcastic tone to the whole thing—is hard to pull such an objective voice and keep the emotions there. Great job! I really like it. All the metaphors and, again I say, the details. It’s like she’s pushing her to push him… Very interesting story to the poem. Nice =]
skyblue95 said...
Dec. 1, 2010 at 7:51 am

im not one for poetry, but i think this one is fantastic! u are such a great poet, and i liked the word choice and (i know everyone is saying this, but im gonna say it again) the way you put in those small details that made the story that much funnier :) good job, and keep writing!


and if anyone has time, please, check out some of my work

xXxLovelyEurixXx said...
Dec. 1, 2010 at 7:40 am

I love this. You seem almost amused by her rage, as I'm sure you were used to it. I, myself, have never gotten into a fight that involved throwing things, or harming the innocent fishes, but there is a first for everything. I love the sensory details. Truly a favourite. [: Looking into your other pieces!!


Keep writing.


Xoxo, Euri

KrystalT said...
Nov. 29, 2010 at 7:25 pm
WOW! Very interesting. I hope I never do any thing like that. Oh wait... to late. Haha.
RedpillBluepill said...
Nov. 29, 2010 at 1:23 am
Well this isn't really a poem. The line breaks do nothing for it, but it's well-written. The storm in her eyes metaphor was cool.
starrr7 said...
Nov. 9, 2010 at 3:50 pm
I like how distant you seem from this, almost as if you are just a bystander, it gives it a really unique perspective!
WriterFighter said...
Oct. 24, 2010 at 3:01 pm
You've got a very interresting choice of words. Whenever I writting poems, I try and rime most of the time, so what kind of poem is this? A free verse? Most of mine are, so it's nice to read a different kind of writting then my own and to compare mine to yours. It's very good.
kateiscool(obiously) said...
Oct. 18, 2010 at 6:54 pm
its good, tho it doesnt sound personal enough. work on that. it doesnt sound like you actually went thru this. keep up the good work!
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