Our Relationship Would Be Easier If You Could Just Play Nice This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

January 28, 2009
More by this author
She emitted a snarl that warned
of her vermilion rage,
and seized the shiny, silver toaster
(my breakfast cookware of choice)
and brandished it above her head
with threats of defenestration.
Oh dear, how will I ever create
exquisite frozen waffle dinners?
In one gnashing breath, she shrieked
and launched a rocket full of profanities
my way while simultaneously dumping
(with excessive grace) my gleaming
toaster into our saltwater aquarium.
Save the fishes!
You’re not listening to me, are you?
No, not really. I know better.
Your words lose all sense of direction
when you are worked up like this, my dear.
Her cyan eyes flashed another warning –
the Doppler radar is forecasting severe storms.
Be prepared for anything, brace yourself.
I attempted to pacify the raging tempest; still
she captured some large wooden spoons
and red rubber spatulas (safe to 450°F)
(among other blameless bystanders to our fight)
and hurled them with unfailing inaccuracy.
With a splashing slap to my face, she snatched
her keys from the counter and with a BANG
stormed from our apartment for the last time.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.

Join the Discussion

This article has 276 comments. Post your own now!

SickImage said...
Oct. 9, 2009 at 10:04 am
Lol this is awesome.
It reminds me of my brother's relationship.
His woman is evil and no matter how mean she is to my brother he always just trys to smile and tease and get along.
But everyone knows it actually hurts on the inside.
:] great stuff
annkaykay2011 said...
Oct. 9, 2009 at 7:29 am
Very beautiful
the word choice was amazing
but kinda sad tho in the ending..
I loved overall=]
casalej said...
Oct. 9, 2009 at 5:23 am
I enjoyed your poem. I liked how you weaved some humor into the poem, such as "Save the fishes!" I also was in love with the vocabulary chioces and figurative langauge. "Her cyan eyes flashed another waring - the Doppler radar is forcasting severe storms." That sentance had so much power and she was easily noticed that she was more than just mad. In any of the school programs I have had, each never showed as much power in an abusive relation ship.
FashionGuru said...
Sept. 17, 2009 at 5:25 pm
Haha this was really funny and descriptive. I think it's great!!
Ashlee S. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 17, 2009 at 3:32 pm
That was very funny:) and very visual.
Sammi L. said...
Sept. 17, 2009 at 1:51 pm
Very funny--I really like how forward and serious it seems, but it isn't. I enjoyed your description and I laughed a lot, especially at the lines about the toaster.
erin L. said...
Jul. 24, 2009 at 6:43 am
i like the way you tie in your pain and yet in a subtle way. an easy way that you even add somewhat of a hint of humor. its brillant
rachdancer626 said...
Jun. 24, 2009 at 2:20 pm
I really enjoyed reading this! It is different from others that I read, very nice job!
lovehate29 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 13, 2009 at 3:15 am
This is really good. Very interesting. I enjoyed reading it for it has created beautiful imagery. Good job!
iAngel said...
Jun. 12, 2009 at 5:02 am
i really liked this poem, i can really relate to it. keep up the awesome work
Kiersten.p.o said...
Jun. 11, 2009 at 4:44 pm
hey, i think that you work is reallt good and your good at writing but im going to have to agree with Xilaberry and say that you need to stop trying to prove yourself and just write. i know you have the talent, i just read it, but the big fancy words arn't improving your writing but bringing it down abit.
i really did luv your writing and i thought it was amazing and the comedy is great.
Like*Whoa!!! This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Dec. 13, 2009 at 3:37 pm
i think that the "big fancy words" were part of the poem. if she had taken out those words, it wouldnt have read or flowed the same at all. and using words like that doesnt mean she is trying to "prove herself."
Chelwitt said...
Jun. 6, 2009 at 11:07 pm
I am reminded of my sister...if she liked waffles,
but I don't think she does. What a shame.
KassidyLeigh said...
Jun. 1, 2009 at 9:13 pm
This poems different, that's what I like about it, it's not a typical discriptive poem, it has its own special twist on traditional poetry. Check out my poems please, and rate and comment! Thanks a million, and amazing job!
F M L said...
May 29, 2009 at 3:18 pm
this poem made me feel odd
FarmGirl said...
May 28, 2009 at 11:17 pm
That was amazing
Twilightnme said...
May 28, 2009 at 7:23 pm
It is really nice. I can totally relate to that. It just envigorates me! I love it. I really do...
mia R. said...
May 28, 2009 at 1:31 pm
this was awesome! i can totally relate to this poem....
keep writing x
Wally said...
May 26, 2009 at 2:01 pm
I loved it! I see a great sense of humor and a sense of carlessness which is alwasy great fun to write about.

melissa B. said...
May 26, 2009 at 1:28 am
love the poem
i think you could have broken it up a little into stanzas
it makes it more interesting but i was very good
Site Feedback