Not Okay | Teen Ink

Not Okay

March 10, 2015
By gabbylew92 BRONZE, Round Rock, Texas
gabbylew92 BRONZE, Round Rock, Texas
4 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself." -Harvey Fierstein


You said everything was going to be okay.
You said it was mild, and she was going to be okay.
You wrapped me in a warm embrace and sent me off to school.
I believed you.

You said she was doing fine.
The doctors were positive-- everyone was positive,
So I was positive, too.
I prayed for her, but I did not worry.

You said she was weak, but she was strong.
We visited, and everyone smiled.
You said everything was going to be okay.
I prayed, and I believed you.

You showed me pictures of her.
I wished I was there with her instead of catching glimpses that you showed me.
You said she was going to be okay.
But that's not what the pictures said.

You said we were going to visit her.
It seemed the hospital bed would swallow her.
I said "I love you" and that everything was going to be okay.
You did not tell me we were going to say goodbye, so I did not.

You said things aren't looking good.
You pull me aside from the young ones
And say she doesn't have much time left.
But I thought you said things were going to be okay?

You said she was gone, and I wished I had said goodbye.
You said things were going to be okay.
You lied; you lied to me-- you lied to yourself.
Things were far from okay.

You said he'd been rushed to the hospital
As I went upstairs to bed.
You said not to worry; he was going to be okay.
He was fine, and we were fine.
Why did I fall for the same lie twice?

You said, the next morning, he was gone.
He was with her; he was dead, and things were not okay.
You wrap me in a warm embrace like before,
But you do not say that things are okay.

You say it's going to be okay.
It's been years, but things will be okay.
Things were not okay then, and they are not okay now.
Do not lie to me or lie to yourself by saying that things are okay.


The author's comments:

Writing has always been how I deal with emotions and feelings that I struggle with. The loss of my grandmother and my uncle would have been far too difficult for me to handle without my writing. If I were to try talking about this grief, I could not do it. When it comes to expressing myself, this is the only way I know how.


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