Why do I torture myself over a guy like him? Why do I spend so much time making myself look pretty only to be shot down? Stuck on a Boy who treats my terribly. Stuck on a boy who makes me cry, Stuck on a boy who makes me wish I was skinnier or prettier or taller. But yet I try so hard to impress him or at least get him to look at me.
Because my heart tells me I love him, but my mind tells me I shouldn’t. The ironic thing is I lecture my friends to love a boy who treats you right, who will love you for you. Not for your body or your money, for you. To not be like those other girls who love the bad boy or the douche bag. But here I am typing to you, pouring out my feelings over that kind of guy. See isn’t it ironic?
But why is it that no other boy I look at makes me feel the same way as he does, My stomach feels like butterflies are dancing inside, My heart beats faster, I get this tingling feeling running through my body (which tickles!) No other smile makes me subconsciously smile back. It’s just his.
I love him but why do I have to try so hard for him to love me back, to feel ashamed of the scars on my body or my flaws. Why is my heart telling me screaming at me to pour all of my love into this boy?
You tell yourself that maybe just maybe if I stay away from him then my feelings will change and I won’t love him anymore but as the time passes every hour feels like days of torture agonizing longing to see his face, every minute feels like hours of that annoying fidgety feeling you get when you think of him, every second your mind plays his image and the good moments you’ve had together on constant replay while making up fantasies.
No matter what I do I always think of him and his goofy smile or the way he carries himself or the way that whenever I’m feeling sad or troubled he’s the only person that I will truly open up to. I don’t know why but with this boy I feel safe like I can be myself and not have to put up a facade with him. I feel like he accepts me for who I am. And the only one who can actually keep a secret.
There are some flaws about him and my mom always told me that when you get into a relationship you love the good things about them and accept their flaws. But there are days where I can’t stand him and his stupid childish personality and then there are days where he’s the only one I want to talk to.
I want him to be mine, but he doesn’t want to be. I can’t force him to love me back. So if it comes to that choice then I will be that one person (who’s not his mother) that will love him unconditionally and be there for him when he needs someone to talk to or vent to.
Because I love him and if me loving him makes me a fool and means I’m wasting my time then I’m a fool and I have plenty of time to waste.