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Secret Swan This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.


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You.
Gossamer swan
bathed in moonlight
shed of speech
edge of the lake
you are my most precious secret.

Yours.
Glances I tuck away
into the front of my shirts
to examine in class.
Yours are the glances I relish.

You.
Floating on water feet trailing behind
walking like Jesus
I pluck feathers braid into my hair
smells like mud and water
secret swan
thin, fat string of calls I don’t understand.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.




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sydzue said...
May 1 at 8:08 am:
I like your poem. Your personification with the swan was amazing! It brought it to life. All of the verses were very visual, i could see what you were talking about.
 
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FondduLac said...
Feb. 7, 2010 at 2:37 pm:
original and strong. i like it.
 
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Duckie430This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Dec. 3, 2009 at 11:58 am:
i like this poem!!
 
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ariwrites94 said...
Nov. 11, 2009 at 5:36 pm:
Hey, wonderful work!!! this is amazing . . . U write beautifuly so continue writing!!! also plz check out my poem called "Sensitive Am I" and it would be appreciated a comment and a rating, thankx! and keep up the good work!!!
 
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LillyRedine said...
May 31, 2009 at 12:41 am:
I thought bits of this poem brought upon good scensory images, but overall, it was weak.
And the line comparing the swan to Jesus was disappointing.
As was the attempt to make the smell of mud and water a poetic description.
I don't mean to rain on your parade, though.
You have potential if you work to improve.

I just don't like how every single comment that is supposed to be "constructive criticism" is just declaring your brilliance.
If you work... (more »)
 
scotchtapedreams This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Sept. 21, 2009 at 3:55 pm :
I definitely agree with LillyRedline. The point of comments is for constructive criticism because, really, we all just want to improve. (At least that is my impression.)
There are some definite good qualities about this poem. For example, I absolutely adored the second stanza. It had the poetic sound while at the same time managing to endear the speaker to the reader. The "glances I tuck away / into the front of my shirts" was so wonderfully worded, and then the "to examine... (more »)
 
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Forest_Dweller said...
May 30, 2009 at 6:55 am:
Hey, this is an awesome poem! I love how you used line breaks to add emphasis and meaning.
 
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alayapoetgirl said...
May 18, 2009 at 6:54 pm:
;) Love it, Love it, Love it! It sets a mellow mood.
 
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Twilightnme said...
May 14, 2009 at 12:05 am:
i love it. So sweet and melody-ish
 
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cross-i'd-leopard said...
Apr. 21, 2009 at 2:36 am:
That was positively beautiful. Really descibes the longing of a crush. Good metaphor.
 
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hansontaylor16@yahoo.com said...
Apr. 14, 2009 at 9:32 pm:
i loved it, its perfect i love your poems
 
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zane said...
Apr. 12, 2009 at 1:38 pm:
This poem is absolutely beautiful. When i first read it i was attracted by its shear complexity as i read more i fell in ove with the beautiful underlying meaning
 
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meredith P. said...
Apr. 11, 2009 at 10:25 pm:
tabby is right.i like dif.great poem.
 
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dot.! said...
Apr. 11, 2009 at 2:24 pm:
very complex. i had to read it a few times! simply amazing =] can you please tell me what you think of my poem?? http://www.teenink.com/raw/Poetry/article/91361/Trapped thanks!!
 
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LilJ<3 said...
Apr. 10, 2009 at 11:18 pm:
I liked this poem. It was complex. So complex for me that im going to read it a couple more times because every time i read it i get a different interpretation. I love that the poem is unique and written in a certain the way you have done yours. Great Job and keep on writting your doing great....
♥jackie
 
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Jenna B. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 1, 2009 at 10:44 pm:
When I read this it sounded like you weren't talking about a swan at all, but it was really great.
 
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Ariana T. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 1, 2009 at 10:34 pm:
I really love your poem :). And I'm really flattered to have my photo accompany it! Weird coincidence that we both live in Kansas, even northeast Kansas!
 
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tabby said...
Mar. 31, 2009 at 2:26 pm:
hello well hey i read your poetry and i like i tit seems diffrent and diffrent is what i go for cause to many people are to much alike
 
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