I had wanted it to be October.
Among other things,
I had wanted the smell,
Of earthen decay and a soon to come rain,
Vibrant colors that fill the trees,
And go well with my dark colored hair.

I wanted breath that makes small smoke clouds,
And parkas and boots,
People holding hands walking down the street,
And a flock of yellow school buses.

I wanted a sense of newness,
A sense of change,
So the old things could die and new things could come.

I had wanted it to be October,
So that I could start over.
The birds would leave and the leaves would fall,
The trees would say goodbye for the winter,
And the heat would be turned on in all the homes.

The world rotated and shuffled,
But I stayed where I was.
I didn't shed my skin as the trees did,
I didn't fly away as the birds did,
And October didn't bring along the change I had wanted.