Let-down | Teen Ink

Let-down

November 14, 2014
By Elizabeth Katz SILVER, Paducah, Kentucky
Elizabeth Katz SILVER, Paducah, Kentucky
9 articles 0 photos 0 comments

As bizarre as it may sound, I remember my mother.
She was kind and fair and incredibly beautiful
And she was loved by everyone she knew,
But she didn’t love me –
At least not enough to keep me.

She gave me up to the woman next door as a baby.
And I never saw her again. 
Maybe she didn’t mean to get pregnant – 
Maybe I was a complete accident, but
I’ll never forgive her for leaving me alone.

And I don’t hate my adopted mother. 
She feeds me and clothes me and gives me a home,
But she is not a real mother.
A real mother wouldn’t leave her daughter every day.
A real mother wouldn’t climb her daughter’s hair.

My days creep by as I sit alone in silence.
Thoughts flood my clouded mind,
And I must suffer through every storm.
I am unwanted, unlovable.  I am a disappointment.
I am unattractive, unpleasant.  I am useless.
My real mother didn’t want me,
My adopted mother can’t stand me,
And I am all alone.
No one could ever love me.
I am a let-down.

“Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair!”
So I run to the window and throw my mane down.
I do not complain about the throbbing in my head,
And she pulls herself up the castle wall.
We cook, we eat, we clean, we sleep.  We repeat.

Every day is the same:
The sitting, the waiting, the pulling,
The sadness, the emptiness, the loneliness.
I am stuck in a never-ending cycle of despair.
Until one day – he comes.

He yells from the ground, and I am paralyzed.
His smooth voice and his gleaming smile,
His deep brown eyes, his boyish charm,
My eyes have never seen a more magnificent person.
I let my hair down and he climbs.

At first he was sweetly shy, his cheeks blushing.
“May I ask your name, fair maiden?”
And we talked for what seemed like hours.
He was wonderful and beautiful and caring,
And he understood me – he saw into my soul.

He came closer – he touched my hand, my arm, my cheek,
Then he kissed me.  And I felt my pain melt away.
Before that moment, I had never been special.
But with his lips on mine, I became someone.
With his lips on mine, I was free.

But then he kissed me harder.  He pushed me to the wall,
And grabbed me tightly.  He carried me to the bed.
“Stop! Please, stop!” I tried to cry out, but he held my throat.
I kicked and screamed, but he was too strong.
Tears rolled down my cheeks, and I slipped into unconsciousness.

He was gone when I awoke.
The entire castle had been ransacked,
And bruises were beginning to form along my arms and legs.
He had left nothing untouched.
I had trusted him, and he betrayed me.

I am unwanted, unlovable.  I am a disappointment.
I am unattractive, unpleasant.  I am useless.
The only boy I ever met used me and left me,
And now I am all alone.
No one could ever love me.
I am a let-down.

But wait—
It could all go away,
The pain, the sadness, the emptiness, the loneliness.
In a moment, it could be over.
I could be free.

I braided my golden locks into a rope and tied it to a ceiling beam.
I wrote a note standing on a ladder, hair around my neck.
“I will no longer suffer in this miserable, uncaring world.
I will no longer be around to be a let-down. – Rapunzel.”
 



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