I'm scared.
I'm scared because
I'm alive.
I'm scared because
I've already changed in more ways than I was supposed to.
I'm scared because
I haven't done all the things I was supposed to.
I'm scared because
I still think of you every single night.
I'm scared because
I still think you think of me every single night.
I'm scared because I shouldn't have had to ASK you if you would stay.
I'm scared because I'm
Not. Because
in 20 years my test scores won't mean anything to my daughter and son because when they ask
mommy why she loves daddy so much she can't tell them, it's because he's a doctor.
Because sometimes love doesn't have to hurt and that's the worse kind, because sometimes the reason something doesn't hurt anymore is because you've gotten used to the pain. Because this poem has nothing to do with my fears.

And I once heard a poet say that if you repeat something it'll lose it's meaning and maybe that's why I keep saying your name.
And I once heard you say that I'd be the one to break your heart, which is why I was scared because
Our love didn't hurt anymore.
I told myself that one day I'd learn the way your mind works
and how you like your eggs and how you like your toast and how you like your love, but I never got the chance to do it.
I'm scared because in 5 years you'll probably forget me
While I'll still be saying your name over and over and over and over until my mouth gets dry from the lack of water.
Because I have forgotten that I still have to give in to my basic human needs. Because despite the first sentence this poem has nothing to do with me being scared. And I know I've said it
Twice already.
but I'm trying to forget what I'm scared of in the first place.
but I think it was you
but I think it was your love
but I think it was the way that I will always come back to you.
And I think it's the way I whispered your name a thousand times after we kissed.
Because you said you loved me too much, and I can't help but ask myself if you were trying to
Forget too.