Walking

        She floats through the halls like a ghost,
           Unseen. 
      The only one with an open spot beside her.
           Her ears fill with laughter and careless conversation.
                 But her mouth stays silent.
        She keeps her head down in the hopes of not being noticed
     And continues walking alone.

         She finally makes her way through the crowd of people,
            Ignored.
     She sits down in her normal spot in the back,
     Where not even the teacher would call on her.
                  She looks at the board but all she sees is the back of heads.
             Never a friendly face.
      They’re all talking, waiting for class to start,
         But none are talking to her.
        She keeps her head down, and takes out her homework.

            Half the day goes by and she doesn't say a word.
       She makes it to lunch, her least favorite part of the day.
       Despite the number of people in the cafeteria,
            This is when she feels most alone.
   She sits at the first empty table she can find,
                                               in the corner of the cafeteria,
                    and takes out a book.
     She keeps her head down and begins to read.

              After lunch, she goes to English
             Where she must present a project.
    She’d rather hide in the bathroom, ditch class,
        Throw herself off a cliff.
    Her chest fills with anxiety as she twines her fingers together,
            Dreading the moment when her name is called.

          Too soon, she must walk to the front of the class.
                                    She avoids eye contact and keeps her down,
     Eyes on her paper, the floor, anywhere but the audience in front of her.
She can feel their gazes, judging her every move, every quiet word that comes out of her mouth.
         The teacher tells her to speak up.

               She pauses.
         Making the mistake of looking up
                                  and seeing the bored faces of her classmates.
                 Her hands begin shaking so violently she could barely read the paper.
She forces herself to take a deep breath and put her head back down to finish what she started.

            She tries making her voice as loud as possible
                                        But she’s still as quiet as a mouse.
                                   Even her teacher gives up trying to listen.
                       She somehow makes it through without bursting into tears,
                    And races back to her seat where she puts her head down in shame.

             A couple hours later and she still can’t stop thinking about English class,
                                 And what everyone must be thinking about her.

          Speak up, they say
               Just talk, it’s not that hard.
           But it is that hard.
                     At least for her it is.

                       She wonders what’s wrong with her,
                                          Why she can’t be like everyone else,
                Laughing and talking and enjoying her high school years.

                  She realizes that she must be the one to lift her head up,
             To flash a smile and engage in conversation.
                    She always tells herself to put herself out there,
                                                        To take a risk.
                 But she never finds the confidence.

                   Today she will go up to someone and say hello,
          Ask them how their day was,
                                             Maybe make a new friend

                                               Okay, maybe not today.
                                                 
                                                   Maybe tomorrow.