On my bad days there’s an alternate route and on my good days it’s just a forgotten trail but on my bad days I sit there and wonder if there’s an afterlife and if there is what it would be like and if I would see people I know and if I would see my pets and sometimes I wonder what it’s like to completely cease to exist to a point where your consciousness simply disperses and I wish I could grasp such a concept but I can’t and it frustrates me that I’ll never know because if I do cease to exist I won’t exist to see such a fact and yet sometimes I hope that there is an afterlife because the thought of nothingness is terrifying it’s like a black hole and who knows where that black hole goes and what if it actually spits you out somewhere else where you become something new doomed to repeat your past life’s mistakes and that thought is alarming because it’s like a constant cycle that we don’t even know exists and since we don’t know it exists there is no way to stop it so I guess either way we lose but I hate losing cause winning is so much better and on my good days it’s all about winning and I think about my future and how I’ll succeed in life and I never worry about problems that may come up because I know there’ll be a way to fix them and I think about my family and how close we’ll be and how many friends I’ll have and with all those friends I’ll be so much happier and I’ll never have any worries and life will be so much simpler without the thoughts of my bad days invading the world so I’ll be able to go out and see people and take care of pets and get up every day and my alternate route will just be left for its original purpose as sleep meds when my husband has a long day and our kids are wearing him out and he just need a good snooze so he’ll pop a few and I’ll read a good book and he’ll fall asleep next to me and I’ll end my day ready for the next oh how I wish it could be but the fact is that I can’t get over my alternate route because it stares me in the face every day and night and I know I’m taking the wrong path and I can’t stop it but I want to but I can’t I just can’t stop it I’m going the wrong way but it’s a one way road and I can’t turn around and I guess I lose.