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my monster
i feel a darkness.
 it's welling up inside of me,
 consuming me, 
 and i'm afraid
 i'm afraid to open my mouth,
 to move, 
 because if i do, it will come out 
 in a scream
 in a kick
 in a punch.
 so i swallow it.
 i let it stay inside.
 i hide it.
 i fake a smile.
 i force a laugh.
 i tell a joke that only i get,
 but it doesn't matter anyway
 because no one listens
 no one looks at me,
 and i remember why i was mad,
 why i was frustrated 
 and it's coming back. 
 i feel a darkness.

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