Solely Bits

July 1, 2014
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A bit of grey, a bit of black,
A bit of have, a bit of lack,
A bit of light, a bit of shade,
A bit visible, a bit fade.
Collecting bits of everything,
Collecting thing by thing,
A bit of this, a bit of that,
A bit of take, a bit of let,
A bit of narrow, a bit of path,
A bit of life, a bit of death.





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Zolenz This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 18, 2014 at 5:57 pm
it has a good rhyming scheme but i feel like if you could the rest of the poem the same feel as the first two then if would be even more incredible! just becuase the first two are so amazing. i do like it tho.  
 
elycavill This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Sept. 19, 2014 at 1:12 am
Thank you for refering on this poem in particular, and thank you for the advixe! I am glad you liked it and gave it a thought. :)
 
lydia.w said...
Jul. 3, 2014 at 11:18 am
I love how you repeat "a bit" but I feel like this poem is really simple and you could've added some more. Other than that, your over all idea is great!
 
elycavill This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 8, 2014 at 4:13 am
Thank you :), i as i wrote it i focused on the construction 4 verses with bit, than 2 verses explaining and then again 4 verses with a bit, ending with death as it all does. I just can't come to conclusion what could I have added more, could you explain? You definitely made me think :D
 
jolo said...
Jul. 3, 2014 at 8:56 am
i think it has all, i feel this song and feel the bits in me, the bits you lose after something bad and bits you look to find what you did lose
 
elycavill This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 8, 2014 at 4:11 am
thank you, i like that you found something in it.
 
Luv4Ever said...
Jul. 2, 2014 at 4:54 pm
This piece leaves me wanting something more. I get what you are trying to convey but I think you have the potential to do better
 
elycavill This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 3, 2014 at 10:02 am
I appreciate your opinion, Thank you! 
 
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