Today I bought this beautiful white sundress that I know for sure I will never wear because I wanted to prove that trust me, I do not always wear black, and trust me, I don't always think things through so thoroughly. So when this boy in the grocery store with eyes the color of the sky blue crayon in the box under my bed from when I was small smiled at me and waved, I laughed and rolled my eyes when oh god all I could think was how his eyes were just one shade off from being the same color as yours and how oh god, I need you like I need water filling up my lungs. And today, when I put on dark lipstick (for myself), I realized that interference has always been something that I do well and something that I handle poorly and that you knew this from the second I opened my mouth, and there's this song playing in the background saying "she's smart, headstrong, and independent" and I'm thinking maybe I'm a little too headstrong for your taste and how, baby, I'm not gonna change a thing. And baby, the only time you're ever gonna see me in that beautiful white sundress is the day I stop telling you that cigarettes tear up your lungs and that maybe you shouldn't pull out the lighter this time and maybe I should take that out of your mouth
but I won't.
Because I hate the taste of nicotine and you hate the look of black against ivory skin but I know, and I wear it anyway.
Because tonight, you can tell me all you want that I am drunk, even if I've never had more than a sip of alcohol, because I wish I could turn all of my blood into the purest form of it, then maybe I could drain every ounce of my blood, and when I don't have the same blood, no one can tell me that I am my family.
And you can tell me all you want that there's only one type of virginity, but I believe in a thousand, and I think that buying a white sundress I'll never ever wear should definitely be added to that list, and the day you figure out that you should stay away from people who make you feel like you're hard to love should be right at the top and god, I'd love to know when you figure this out.