Gold`

May 26, 2014
By Ray--yo PLATINUM, Kathmandu, Other
Ray--yo PLATINUM, Kathmandu, Other
43 articles 2 photos 581 comments

Favorite Quote:
God Makes No Mistakes. (Gaga?)
"I have hated the words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right." -Liesel Meminger via Markus Zusac, "The Book Thief"


He walks amidst the desert mist
and shadows, dim and deep,
glisten his pasts in shelves of time
of mountains climbed,
and dragons slayed.
He places his hands
where his soul once lay,
Boxed in jewels of Gold.


The author's comments:
Hardly anything more enslaving than success.

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This article has 10 comments.


alioops SILVER said...
on Nov. 26 2014 at 1:52 pm
alioops SILVER, North Hollywood, California
8 articles 2 photos 36 comments

Favorite Quote:
"What moves men of genius, or rather, what inspires their work, is not new ideas, but their obsession with the idea that what has already been said is still not enough."
- Eugene Delacroix

This is amazing! It's so illustrative. Excellent word choice.

HudaZav SILVER said...
on Jun. 20 2014 at 2:40 pm
HudaZav SILVER, Toronto, Other
8 articles 6 photos 392 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Nothing is impossible; the word itself says 'I'm possible'!" -Audrey Hepburn

You captured my attention from the first line to the last. Brilliant and beautiful, well done!

JRaye PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 9 2014 at 9:22 pm
JRaye PLATINUM, Dorr, Michigan
43 articles 10 photos 527 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you build your house far enough away from Trouble, then Trouble will never find you."

"Have you ever looked fear in the face and said, 'I just don't care.'?"

So true. I just love the message behind this, and you express it so beautifully. Just great :)

on Jun. 9 2014 at 6:01 pm
elliebell SILVER, Lewes, Other
6 articles 0 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinon without the discomfort of thought." - John F. Kennedy

I loved this. I thought is was very beautiful, and incredibly sad at the same time. The rhyme and structure is wonderful. Have you ever tried Haikus because this sort of thing would be wonderful as a Haiku? :)

on Jun. 9 2014 at 1:37 pm
WinterRose76 SILVER, Ok., Florida
6 articles 6 photos 183 comments

Favorite Quote:
Arise and be all that you dream - Flyleaf

Oh I see now, I forgot "lay" could also be past tense. It still doesn't sound quite right next to "once" though. Maybe it's the present word "places" that throws me off. I think if you changed your poem's tense from present to past, it would sound more fluent. Only because you have a mixture of past/present tense words. But that's just my opinion. :)

on Jun. 9 2014 at 9:35 am
Ray--yo PLATINUM, Kathmandu, Other
43 articles 2 photos 581 comments

Favorite Quote:
God Makes No Mistakes. (Gaga?)
"I have hated the words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right." -Liesel Meminger via Markus Zusac, "The Book Thief"

I tried maintaining present tense throught the poem, except in adjectives, of course. Does the word 'lay' create the problem here? (It's supposed to be the past form of lie, and not the present lay). It would be great if you (or anyone, actually) pointed the problem out. Honest feedback is kinda rare so, thanks a lot :)

on Jun. 7 2014 at 10:21 am
WinterRose76 SILVER, Ok., Florida
6 articles 6 photos 183 comments

Favorite Quote:
Arise and be all that you dream - Flyleaf

I agree with WOWriting, you are a much better writer than you give yourself credit for! I love the alliterations and internal rhyming in this poem. Not to mention the wonderful vocabulary. The only suggestion I have is make sure you stick with one tense. Your poem keeps switching from present tense to past tense. Besides that, I think this is very well-written!

on Jun. 5 2014 at 3:14 am
Ray--yo PLATINUM, Kathmandu, Other
43 articles 2 photos 581 comments

Favorite Quote:
God Makes No Mistakes. (Gaga?)
"I have hated the words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right." -Liesel Meminger via Markus Zusac, "The Book Thief"

Wow, didn't expect a comment this grand for, this thing. Thanks a ton.

on Jun. 4 2014 at 11:00 am
WOWriting SILVER, Broadstairs, Other
5 articles 0 photos 266 comments
OK, when you say in your profile thingy that you're terrible at writing, that is SOOOO not true. Seriously. Even ur profile comment's original. This is a deliberate, meaningful poem and even tho there are tiny, tiny mistakes, it doesn't detract from the simple beauty of the poem. That sounded adulty :P i still really like this :) KEEP WRITING!

Aasha.. BRONZE said...
on Jun. 2 2014 at 11:18 am
Aasha.. BRONZE, Kathmandu, Other
1 article 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is beautiful.

extraodinary skill of writing


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