Forgive me if I am not kind

I hide under a barrier of b***hitude

I have seen things not for children's eyes

I have seen the fear in the hearts of those I had once loved

My eyes have been scared by death

Seeing the blank eyes stare back

Hearing the scream

Watching the light leave their eyes

Seeing the blood spill

Watching their last breath

The eyes of a child

Innocence forgotten

Forgive me if I am not kind

I no longer see the kindness of those around me

The kindness I do see burns into my memory

I have never forgotten the boy who picked up the books she dropped

Or the boy handing out bread at a soup kitchen

I see and remember

But I do not feel anymore

The numbness in my hands

The numbness of my heart

Some say I have no heart

Surprisingly I do

But it is more broken than there are stars in the sky

My heart feels like it's been stepped on

I feel only the pain

I am so used to hiding

That I can not be loved

I can not be found

A skill for a nomad

Not a mother or a wife

Or a friend

Not for a child

Or a sister

I have left the feelings for my family on the side of the road

I am alone

Yet people try to care

No one can change me

No one can change

No one is perfect

So forgive me if I am not kind