At fifteen years old,
love did not exist for you.
You focused on loud music
and your bright future.
You chose to live a life alone
and you accepted it
like a chronic pain
that invited itself in
until she expanded your awareness
brought you to a new level
and woke you up with her firework eyes
that shed dewdrops tears,
each with its own story
that you could endlessly read.
You read her yearning for a nice life
a quiet home
punctuated by a search for adventure.
At a crossroads in her youth
she found her great adventure in you.
Because sometimes people are places
And you each found your home
By each other's sides
with your hands clasped so tightly together
you felt hope in her blood
Through the palm of her hand.
You awoke her from a shell of fear
and widened your own doe eyes.
You taught her
the potential of life
and that she must not lose her future
in the endless tunnel of dreaming.
Her eyes whispered
that life enchanted her
when she lived it with you,
and your heart pumped stronger
with her by your side.
Even when her parents gave up on her
and her friends ignored her
you constantly drew her closer,
right there,
under your arm,
always.
Always, like you said
you intended to run away with her.
One day you did,
but the California sun shined too weak
to hold you two together
and the west coast tides
dragged you apart.
You both found yourselves
in different corners of the city
and awoke your big personalities
that grew too large
To fit in the room together.
You finally woke up from that daydream,
looked around,
and felt trapped.
Plain and simple.
You left her on a smoggy Sunday dawn
took all your things in a trash bag
and left the coffee pot on.
You anticipated her search for coffee
after you emptied yourself from the shared apartment.
She stayed after you left,
building a life in Los Angeles.
Poetry readings crowded her Friday nights
held her tight
let her breathe.
The coffee kept her alive
at her standard café job.
But she still wrote about you.
Even when her poems
were not about you
your voice still influenced
the heart of each.
They revealed the space you left
and every moment in her life
that waited for you.
She lived beautifully since you left
even found true love again.
But it did not dismiss the commas
holding space open for you,
and the moments that tugged at her heart
pushing against the stitches,
the makeshift ties to hold her together
and keep you out.
Even after she healed
the scar remained.
Scars are never ugly.
They detail every story of the past,
but they still left gaps in her life
spaces you filled
in moments when she let her mind wander.
Though others held her hand
and made her heart flutter
she still looked at their shoulders
in search of the patterns in your freckles.