On Trail to the Trial MAG

November 23, 2008
By JoyousLife BRONZE, Brooklyn, New York
JoyousLife BRONZE, Brooklyn, New York
4 articles 0 photos 4 comments

The Earth has not stopped swinging;
when did it die?
Like a man hanged
orbits his rope,
we follow the sun.

Death waits distantly
carrion crows cry the end
dark’s car lights
chase down the world
to burn it.

A child crying out in pain
a race car speeding toward fame
a grown man blushing red in shame –
which is the world?

Cold gears released to grind slowly
their heated way to oblivion.
Combustion in a flash of white heat.
What matters when all ceases:
who’ll clear the debris, the pieces?

Vultures hover on the horizon
somnolent in their certainty
watching with cold and cruel eyes
as we prey scuttle fervently
to an unavoidable end.

A twisted, weighted, rigged game,
A rutted one-way dead-end lane,
A fogged, dirty, opaque pane –
Which is the world?



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This article has 41 comments.


on Jan. 4 2012 at 9:31 am
poet.lover PLATINUM, Pineville, Pennsylvania
20 articles 0 photos 29 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Never part without loving words to think of during your absence. It may be that you will not meet again in this life."

sometimes i would agree with the whole rhyming doesn't work idea...but in this piece of writing, the rhyming really helps the poem and brings out the flow of the words and meanings. the rhyming here really works and it seems you took great time in writing this. those of you putting this writing down because you think that rhyming is wrong, you have to know when it works and when it doesn't. :) amazing piece!!

on Jan. 4 2012 at 9:31 am
poet.lover PLATINUM, Pineville, Pennsylvania
20 articles 0 photos 29 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Never part without loving words to think of during your absence. It may be that you will not meet again in this life."

sometimes i would agree with the whole rhyming doesn't work idea...but in this piece of writing, the rhyming really helps the poem and brings out the flow of the words and meanings. the rhyming here really works and it seems you took great time in writing this. those of you putting this writing down because you think that rhyming is wrong, you have to know when it works and when it doesn't. :) amazing piece!!

on Jan. 4 2012 at 9:27 am
poet.lover PLATINUM, Pineville, Pennsylvania
20 articles 0 photos 29 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Never part without loving words to think of during your absence. It may be that you will not meet again in this life."

This is by far one of the best poems on teen ink! the analogies are beautiful! and the words you chose are very detailed. I love the way you used the rhyming because it gives great and very smooth flow to this piece. the punctuation also, very well, emphasizes this read. very well written. please take a look at some of my poetry, thanks :)

on Dec. 2 2011 at 8:36 am
mariahstokes GOLD, Bronx, New York
16 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss

i loved this, my favorite part was "A twisted, weighted, rigged game,
A rutted one-way dead-end lane,
A fogged, dirty, opaque pane –
Which is the world?" it's beautiful

on May. 7 2011 at 4:16 pm
Destinee BRONZE, Oakville, Other
3 articles 0 photos 306 comments

Favorite Quote:
Blegh. - Abraham Lincoln

Great analogies. I like the dead man hanging one the best. :)

on Mar. 24 2011 at 10:01 am
bochoyboy SILVER, Hersey, Michigan
6 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
" Time for an adventure" - mike macdonald

pretty good poem dude.

on Mar. 24 2011 at 9:57 am
bochoyboy SILVER, Hersey, Michigan
6 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
" Time for an adventure" - mike macdonald

rhyming makes poetry more fun. free verse peotry basiclly no skill at all, inless it really means somthing.

on Mar. 24 2011 at 9:55 am
bochoyboy SILVER, Hersey, Michigan
6 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
" Time for an adventure" - mike macdonald

rhyming takes skill man. free veres poetry takes the least skill of all. 

on Feb. 8 2011 at 10:58 am
HisPurePrincess ELITE, Flemington, New Jersey
132 articles 33 photos 483 comments
beautiful.   real emotions.  excellent word choices, it sounds like something i would write.  i really like it.

on Jan. 28 2011 at 6:18 pm
dolphin13 BRONZE, North St. Paul, Minnesota
1 article 0 photos 125 comments

AMAZING! Keep writing!

 


on Oct. 21 2010 at 1:55 pm
A_Flicker_of_Light BRONZE, Branson, Missouri
1 article 0 photos 1 comment
It sounds awesome and I really enjoyed it. The "rhyming" was perfect

on Sep. 7 2010 at 3:26 pm
pinkypromise23 PLATINUM, Cranston, Rhode Island
30 articles 0 photos 414 comments

Favorite Quote:
i know that you believe you understand what you think i said, but im not sure you realize that what you heard is not what i meant.

i absolutly love the two rhymying stanzasss!! haha(;

on Jun. 23 2010 at 10:45 am
BlueInk94 PLATINUM, Valley Park, Missouri
30 articles 0 photos 75 comments
Wow...thats all i can say Wow! anything else will ruin it! WOW!

on Jun. 11 2010 at 11:01 am
LadyMoon DIAMOND, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
54 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'm so weird I'm normal
-Khalil, a friend

I really love this poem!! My fave sentence was 'what matters when all ceases: who'll clear the debris, the pieces?' It was amazing!1And the title's awesome too!!

on May. 20 2010 at 6:49 pm
olympian-queen, Charleston, South Carolina
0 articles 0 photos 39 comments

Favorite Quote:
Yesterday is history. Tommorrow is a mystery. And today? Today is a gift that's why they call it the present.

rhyming is not liked! just speak your mind. don't try to throw rhyming into your poems because 9 times out of 10 it doesn't come out great. work on not trying to rhyme

on May. 20 2010 at 6:37 pm
Origami_Giraffe, Goose Creek, South Carolina
0 articles 0 photos 6 comments
Throwing a pathetic attempt at rhyme into a free-verse poem is a bit like buying a car and deciding it would look better with only two wheels: doomed to fail and only makes it look like you have no idea what you're doing.

on May. 20 2010 at 5:39 pm
avidDreamwriter BRONZE, Ridgeville, South Carolina
3 articles 0 photos 29 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Not all those who wander are lost"- J.R.R. Tolkein's Lord of The Rings

It's a very good idea and image that I can see. Try your best to not rhyme. The whole poem was at its best when it wasn't rhyming.

on May. 20 2010 at 3:37 pm
WritingLoverForever PLATINUM, Bowling Green, Ohio
32 articles 2 photos 198 comments

Favorite Quote:
It's not about success; it's about significance.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

This poem is beautiful. I love your work. Could you check out some of mine maybe?

on May. 20 2010 at 11:37 am
savagivity777, Sante Fe, New Mexico
0 articles 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Fo rizzle."

My dog just vomited.

Eilatan GOLD said...
on Apr. 28 2010 at 7:16 pm
Eilatan GOLD, Old Greenwich, Connecticut
11 articles 1 photo 307 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Nobody is normal. Everybody in the world is a weirdo freak. Except you, which makes you a weirdo freak."

THIS IS SO AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!




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