Sitting, weeping.
You stand above me shouting at me to get up;
But every word you utter,
Keeps me down longer
Every word you utter—
Inflicts another wound.
Still, you pace around me
Refusing to show mercy;
Refusing to fall into the pity my tears beg for.
You sink down and grab me.
Your nails pulling at my flesh.
Suck it up,
You say.
Don’t show any signs of weakness—
Your words; spat at me through gritted teeth
I lift my head ever so slightly;
My eyes meet yours
The reflection is the mirror itself.
My eyes,
Your eyes,
There is no difference.
But you still have the dark eyeliner and mascara on
That rinsed down my face so long ago
Your hair,
It’s my hair,
But straightened.
Mine is tattered and pulled back.
You have heels on, and tight fitting clothes.
Everything about you is intimidating.
We’re in a room;
A room made of mirrors.
Everywhere I look I’m surrounded by miles and miles of myself.
Crumpled, hurting,
Angry, demanding.
Stop
Stop
I need you to stop
I am you.
Stop hurting me;
Us;
Yourself.
I will get up eventually,
I promise.
Just leave me alone for now.
Let me
Just be.
You remain relentless—
Unyielding
Why are you so insistent,
On making me get up?
On telling me I have no right to cry?
Shouldn’t you be hurting with me?
Back and forth
You
Me
Me
You
Us
Me
Other voices shout.
Other voices demand from me.
Hurt me,
Break me down,
But in the mirrors
All I see is me.
But then I hear my voice;
Not coming from you,
Not coming from me,
But my voice.
Shattering the glass
More bodies;
Different people
On the outside
Looking in
From the mirrors.
They were windows
That I couldn’t see through.
A new figure
Walks towards me.
It’s you,
No, it’s me.
But she’s not me.
Her hair is natural but not matted,
Her eyes are gentle and concerned,
Not pleading,
Not burning,
But still mine.
Still ours.
I want her to come to me,
But she goes to you.
I see her, I see me.
She smiles.
She puts her hand on your shoulder.
She says she knows you—
That you don’t have to bring me down.
You throw a glare at me, but don’t speak.
And by some miracle,
She gets through to you;
She makes you understand.
And then she comes to me.
The broken glass has disappeared now,
The other bodies are gone.
You have left.
It’s just me,
And her.
Me
She wraps her arms around me,
And doesn’t try to force me up.
She says nothing.
She rocks me;
Comforts me.
And through her silence,
I know.
I just know.
I don’t know what I know,
But I just know.
And now I’m gaining strength—
I can support myself.
I see beauty in the tears,
I see a lesson.
Then I grab her hand,
And stand.
But when I turn to look at her,
She is gone.
She merged into me.
And you reappear in the distance,
Closer and closer,
But I’m not afraid anymore.
You can’t throw me to the ground.
But you don’t try.
Without a word,
You stop.
And you’re gone;
You merge with me too.
The shattered glass reforms;
The mirrors surround me again.
And all I see
For miles and miles
Is me
Just me.