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A Play On A Play On Words This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

When the tides change
I’ll be free
to drown among my people
in the ancient lands of nowhere
nowhere you would go
with a head upon my hat
and feet upon my shoes
it’s time to go inside
to survive
the cold of the air conditioning
in my room it’s harsh living
with the lights turned off
no one makes a sound
except the pitter patter of my soul
across the aluminum roof of my mind
like raindrops in your eye
all you are is a blurred image
thoughts once clear
are now hard to see
I have to retrieve my telescope
just to see you
still leaves me empty inside
’cause I think it’s my fault
that I have no idea
but I don’t know what to think
or where to begin
so I just sit and wait
for the tide to come in.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.





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This article has 250 comments. Post your own!

John Smith said...
Jun. 1, 2010 at 11:13 am:
Look, you obviously have some talent.  However, (in my opinion) you are employing it in the wrong way.  The images you use in this poem are cliche.  Write about something more universal than yourself. I know this post will probably be dismissed, but it is not intended to be negative, it is intended to improve your writing.  Praise does nothing for improvement--only for egos. 
 
demetria replied...
Jun. 1, 2010 at 6:52 pm :
the ego thing is so true! i like that
 
Madison22 replied...
Jun. 1, 2010 at 7:49 pm :
i think praise can be a good thing...it encourages writers, it doesn't turn them into egos. Egos are people that are egos already previously before they were told "your writings awesome' or something like that
 
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JasminePinto said...
May 28, 2010 at 11:07 am:
wow so amazing, i can so relate, it has so much emotion and depth it makes you stop and really think, dont stop writing :)!!!!
 
Madison22 replied...
Jun. 1, 2010 at 7:50 pm :
ya it had the same affects on me...don't stop writing....i agree!! i like the end a lot! how were you inspired? did it just come to you? i feel like a lot of my best writing is when it just comes.
 
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possiblylindsey This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 10, 2010 at 8:43 pm:
great poem =] i love! and by the way, i love the "andrewsaur" thing, that made me smile =D
 
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writingchild said...
May 10, 2010 at 8:00 pm:
It really captures the emotional rage inside one's head if that makes sense. Don't stop writing!
 
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Nicole Ic said...
May 10, 2010 at 5:45 pm:
Hey I really liked that it captures emotion and I can almost hear you say it to me. KEEP WRITING!!
 
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Egyptiangirl13 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 10, 2010 at 4:06 pm:

wow. I loved this-great metaphors and keep writing!!!

 

 
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AmericanoLounge This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 10, 2010 at 4:04 pm:
It was good, and don't listen to the "advice" from other posters. Is their work in the magazine? Doubtful. It was good.
 
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BlueInk94 said...
May 10, 2010 at 8:37 am:
This is really good! i love how each line is an inderict metaphor for emotions. Good job!
 
abstractminded replied...
May 10, 2010 at 1:32 pm :
GOOD poem mn ....reprsent for texas..im from texas too...oh and plz read my poems and rate them....dont forget to tell your friends to read mines too and rate them
 
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jamrock636 said...
Apr. 18, 2010 at 9:14 pm:
This is amazing. It's so descriptive and I love the last line.
 
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Eilatan This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 18, 2010 at 6:37 pm:
I saw this poem the first time i came to this website, about a month ago. I loved it so much that i put it in the secret poetry collection notebook, printed it out and read it aloud to the literary club at my school, and have it hanging on my bedroom wall to this day. I've had it memorized for weeks and weeks and i recite it to myself every night before i go to bed. this is my favorite poem in the world.
 
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This*Lit*Is*BananasThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 18, 2010 at 4:59 pm:

This is a really powerful poem. Good job. :) But I'm learning in Lit class right now that to make your work the most powerful it can be, take all abstract nouns out. That means every single noun that you can't touch or see, you should take out and replace with something you can - it's hard at first, but after a while your writing gets a lot better. Try it! And let me know if it works for you!

Cheers!

Mal :)

 
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dianaforfree said...
Apr. 18, 2010 at 3:50 pm:
this is gorgeous.  so lovely. so perfect.
 
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TechnoGeek said...
Apr. 18, 2010 at 1:09 pm:
I LOVE IT!
 
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Eilatan This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 6, 2010 at 7:15 pm:

I printed this out and hung it up in my bedroom. This is so, so phenomenal.

I haven't written in a while and this has inspired me to write again.

Thank you for this addition to the universe.

 
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Nicolle S. said...
Apr. 2, 2010 at 7:36 pm:

im loving the word play(:

very creative.

 
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crazyforchrist This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 27, 2010 at 10:13 pm:
Hey, great job on this. I love the imagery in it. I can't wait to read more :)
 
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LittleMissWhimsical This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 27, 2010 at 4:01 pm:
You're so good! Love it!
 
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