I don't understand
why you say you love me
when you can barely talk to me.
I don't understand
why I should continue to call you daddy
when you don't show me that affection.
I don't understand
why I should continue to reach out to you
when you barely respond to my messages.
I don't understand
why I should make that effort
when you have moved on with your life.
I don't understand
why you want me to come visit
when you're the one who left first,
not me.
I don't understand
why you don't try as hard
as everyone else.

You do understand,
that my life is difficult, now,
because I don't have my father
with me.
You do understand,
that nothing is the same
because you left.
You do understand
that I'm terrified,
t e r r i f i e d
of letting myself fall in love
because you fell out of it
after 17 years,
and just let it go
without a fight?
You do understand,
that I've become more prone
to have a seizure
because I'm stuck with all the weight
that you couldn't carry with mother
when you were with her.
You do understand
that all I really want for
my sweet 16,
is my father to come
and make our lives all better again?

You do understand,
that I just miss my father.