see, the thing is i am trying to be gentle but
i could never hold my hands steady enough to
keep my patient alive during games of operation, i
used to kill him and then start crying because i didn't
mean it, i didn't mean to hurt him and

my daddy said getting to know me is like chasing
a diamond ring down a stormdrain, that your fingers
get bloody and your ankles get wet but you keep
repeating i swear it's worth it as the glint of gold
tortures you in the distance, sometimes so close
you can almost reach it and

i'm sick of it. i am sick of tasting like acid, i am sick of waking up with a scream half-baked between my lips, i am sick of being a drunken hookup with blood on her sleeves, the kind of girl who has a story for the morning but no friends to share it with, the kind who is a stranger at a party but just seems to blend in, the kind of girl who turns down invitations because she doesn't want your hurt on her hands

and i'm sick of this. i am sick of being impure.
i am sick of being less human and more a fatal disease. i am sick of being me.