spring.
it was a new beginning.
flowers bloomed
and i felt myself start to bloom too.
my fingers were petals
and i was reaching for new opportunities.
i was not myself anymore.
i had become so much better.
hardship had shaped me into a heart,
and then a diamond.
now i was a star shining in the blackness of the sky.
i started to dance in the rain.
my smile never left my face.

summer.
my skin stayed burned and i cringed when your cold hand
reached out to touch it,
i never wore sunscreen
i seemed to be too free to care.
i took photos and i allowed myself small pleasures
like feeling beautiful
and watching the sunset from start to finish.
i convinced myself i deserved those types of things
but convincing cant last forever.
slowly i started to remember the pain
but i still smiled when it rained.

fall.
the leaves changed colors
and so did i.
a dark cloud loomed over my head.
this was not new for me.
i didn’t take photos anymore.
i was never happy with their outcome.
i never stayed for the whole sunset,
only kissing the light goodnight as it slid into the ground,
becoming the best part of earth.
i became bitter in the mornings
when i had to wave the sun hello.
i felt my old self creeping into me.
i invested in sweaters and scarves.
i stayed inside when it rained.

winter.
i didn’t have to slip into darkness,
it was already suffocating me.
i stayed in bed longer than usual,
i let hot chocolate kiss my lips,
i wrapped my hands in my sweater sleeves,
and i chipped at the dark blue nail polish painted on my hands.
i craved comfort, for it seemed i was always itching,
and cringing, and moving away from anyone’s touch.
i didn’t want to admit that i was so weak i needed someone to help me up.
it never rained anymore,
and my feet were always cold in the snow.

i prayed for spring to come
but i didn’t know if things could change again.