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I’m tired
And as I snuggle next to you
I can feel you pull away
I see the blankness
In your eyes
And suddenly I know
That the love we had
Has gone away . . .



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LaChouetteThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
today at 9:28 pm:
Hi! This is a nice poem! You seem to capture the scene really well and the directness of the poem gives the reader exactly what is supposed to be seen in this piece and maybe what is supposed to be felt in regards to the reader. One small thing I would suggest is to use more punctuation. Since this piece is direct, it doesn't need too much except for a few periods at the end of lines. Other than that, nice job!
 
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