Sometimes
I play the same side of a record
Over and over
Until it is almost as if
Their voices
Are my own
Sometimes
I pretend I am married
To a man
I have never met
Because I want to tell him
He taught me
That there is more than okay
Sometimes
I wish
I lived somewhere else
So I can remember
what it’s like
To fall asleep with stars
Burned on the insides of your eyelids
Sometimes
I worry
About stories
I don’t know how to write
Like the words
Will burrow beneath my skin
Syllables looped through my veins
Sometimes
I write on my skin in lipstick
Because
I like the way it glides so smoothly
And later
I will peek beneath my sleeves and smile
Just a little bit
At the faded print
In soft pinks and swirled auburns
Sometimes
I think I want something more of her
That I want my fingers to rest in each notch of her hand
And find the curves in her spine
To bind my lips with hers
But I am still scared
That maybe that’s because
She is the only person I’ve loved before this
Sometimes
I talk to people
I know aren’t there
And I answer back
Because it feels nice
Like trusting myself
Sometimes
I feel like
There is something
welling up inside of me
It lives in the space
Between my lungs and my heart
And it doesn’t like me to live
A lot of the time
Sometimes
I am a poet
And I think it’s kind of funny
How beautiful people think your thoughts are
When you throw them on paper
It’s quite simple really
Like sorting through alphabet soup
And learning what order
To arrange the verses on your spoon
Sometimes
I forget I am a person
And I say things
That sound more like
Phone calls ending and too quiet ‘oh’s
Than good days and laughter
Sometimes
I stay inside all day
And I forget
What my fingers feel like
Caught between stalks of dried grass
Or even
How the sun paints pictures at the close of each day
And how I used to talk to you
Every afternoon at four ‘o'clock exactly
Sometimes
It feels nice
To be alone
And maybe
I might just
Drown myself in lyrics
From songs made
Before I was born
Because it is simpler
Than listening to myself
Sometimes
I wish I could meet you
Spend just a day
Discussing little things
And all the places inside
That won’t go away
No matter how old I get
Because I think
You remember those too
And it might make all this hurt
Just a little less
If I have your word for it
Sometimes
I can not think straight
Like my thoughts are all corner pieces
And the spaces in my mind
Have curves and rivets
While their sides
Are too smooth
Sometimes
I am too tired
To let my eyes adjust
To brightened rooms
And my hands are so heavy
They can not turn the page
And it is safer
to decide I do not belong here
And sometimes
I think
No
I know
That I am happy
And my legs
Remember every right pattern
and I breathe
Like I barely have any air left
But it’s kind of exhilarating
And sometimes
I believe that there is something else out there
That maybe I just have to get through
The s***** crazy adventure part
Before I find
Whatever the hell it it
I can’t stop trying to look for
And sometimes
I promise you
That I will be a hero
Even if it is only for myself
Because I can see
That you really just want me to be okay