Phantom Fingers

January 7, 2014
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I call them
Phantom fingers.
The thoughts that sneak
Into your head without
Setting off the alarms
That you had placed in order to keep
Them out.

These thoughts can be about
As long as it's dark
And twisted and
Disturbing to any
Outside eye.
You keep them locked up
In your head so no
One will know how messed up
You really are.
They'd call you crazy,
Look away in disgust,
Laugh because of the fear
That fills their mind.

But who are they to judge?
Everyone has these and
It's not their fault.
Some have more than others
And those people are called
Insane, mentally disturbed,

And yet, you would call me
Crazy too if you saw what was
Lurking up in my head.
You would see the hate
And the anger so thick
And bristling with life,
Ready to lash out and
Show the world who
I really am.

You look away,
And I put away my toys
Like a good little girl.
I realize then that
No one will admit to
Having phantom fingers
Because of what people would think.

People wonder why I
Don't open up.
This is why.
The phantom fingers come
When I least expect and by then
You already hate me,
Can't stand to look at me,
Say that you have to go to that
Appointment that you had forgotten until
Now and I'm sick of it.

I'm sick of having people ask me
If everything is all right
And having them say that I'm not
Being social enough.
How can I when I'm
Too afraid that they'll see through
My polite smile or my
False laugh?

So I'll be nice
And quiet
And polite
And gentle
During the day.
And I'll let these dark thoughts
Run loose at night
When nobody can see how
Broken I am.

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This article has 23 comments. Post your own now!

Bay_Renee said...
Feb. 4, 2014 at 11:01 pm
   This is amazingly relatable, especially as a writer- you always have these thoughts swirling around in your head and, if anyone knew you were thinking them, they'd realize how crazy you really are, haha. Loved this- wonderfully written!
RoyalCorona replied...
Feb. 5, 2014 at 3:08 pm
Thank you so much!
FrostedSapphireThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Feb. 4, 2014 at 10:07 pm
Beautiful! Completely relatable! And I especially love the last stanza. :D
RoyalCorona replied...
Feb. 5, 2014 at 3:07 pm
Thank you! :D
dinks This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 3, 2014 at 10:35 pm
I love the topic, definetly something most can relate to. I really enjoyed this poem, keep it up!
RoyalCorona replied...
Feb. 4, 2014 at 7:22 am
Thank you so much!
mnm08 said...
Jan. 30, 2014 at 11:35 pm
Again, very relatable. I think introversion is beautiful and your writing expresses this. REally good job. 
RoyalCorona replied...
Jan. 31, 2014 at 4:59 pm
Thank you! Introversion can be a beautiful thing but for people that actually are introverted, it seems more like torture. I have very mixed feelings about it since I'm an introvert.
Canadotas This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 27, 2014 at 9:14 am
Wow, that was really cool. I can relate to that a lot. It was really well expressed. Five stars for sure!
RoyalCorona replied...
Jan. 31, 2014 at 4:58 pm
Thank you! said...
Jan. 15, 2014 at 7:42 pm
This is really relateable, especially since I'm really introverted. You worded everything beautifully! Keep up the good work!
RoyalCorona replied...
Jan. 15, 2014 at 9:01 pm
Thank you so much! I'm introverted too and so that was what I had thought when I read it over again. Thank you!
live_luv_laugh_inspire replied...
Jan. 17, 2014 at 5:01 pm
I agree with, very relatable and well written! 5 stars!!
NaaThompson said...
Jan. 13, 2014 at 3:26 pm
Awesome!!! I am kind of quite and polite when I first meet people so I can relate. 
RoyalCorona replied...
Jan. 13, 2014 at 4:18 pm
Thank you!
BandGeekAndProud This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 12, 2014 at 8:07 pm
This was really nice, very relatable, as I think everyone has those dark, twisted thoughts. If I could say one thing, I would say the line breaks are a little awkward at times. But tht could have been for effect, I don't know. Anyway, good job!
RoyalCorona replied...
Jan. 13, 2014 at 7:01 am
The breaks were completely my fault but maybe I could try to incorporate that into my poem. Lazy poet's chance to be even more lazy! Thank you for the criticism, it'll help when I re write it.
Shahrier said...
Jan. 12, 2014 at 2:53 pm
this is so true to life. this is so true to my life. just the meaning, what the poem says, is enough to... just wow. i loved this. and it flowed very well too. i tried looking for things i can suggest you to fix, and i have none. 5 stars 
RoyalCorona replied...
Jan. 12, 2014 at 3:50 pm
Thank you so much!
EmmaClaire0823 said...
Jan. 12, 2014 at 2:31 pm
Incredibly good job! I think this topic is so relatable and yet it hasn't really been done before. All I would say is maybe widen the vocabulary just a little. Some of the words you used were a bit generic and you use words with a deeper more specific meaning. Brilliant job overall though!
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