Do you remember what it felt like
to hold half the earth in the palm of your hands
bright as cotton softer than a pale pink dawn
and somehow kinder too

and that hemisphere opened for you like a flower
and that semi-globe blossomed in the warmth of your hope
and your wishing
you were an optimistic child
and you still thought hard work could get you places

funny how a year can jade you?

when you were a girl jade was a pretty green rock
and every rock was a geode and all things rough
were full of wonder

now you are a storm
and jade is the shade of your hurricane eye
the indifference within your tempest
the apathy your anger swallowed and birthed
like an Athena corrupt from the skull like a branch of rotted plum
one more tale of too much wisdom from the Eden tree

when you were a girl jade was the color of the dress
you danced in on that warm May night
even fear then was all right
an acid safe to swallow
remember when you wanted to be a dancer?
back when you still thought you would have long legs
and thin arms and straight hair
and grace

as if you would have grace!
funny how ten years can jade you?
and won’t eleven do the same?

swan lake scene but you are not transforming
a new year is not a metamorphosis
a new hour is not a change
a new second is not a second chance
not anymore than the last one was
but you won’t admit to that mistake
or any others
will you?

how could you now
how could you?

Truth: there is no resolution
life is a loop not a lap and the wheel keeps turning
and like rodents you run on forever still and still inert
still graceless
one last lackadaisical dance
one last pirouette of errors
where each turn starts the next
toes burning sinkholes in the concrete stage

funny how you thought it indestructible
funny how you learned
nothing is