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Intangible pain

Nightmares plague my night
The past obscures my sight
Everything is wrong even when it’s right
Trying hard with all my might

Loneliness fills my void
With my heart she toyed
Wistful thinking makes up the rest
I’m trying my very best

Months have passed since I’ve heard her voice
Missing her is not my choice
But I do with all my hurt
I loved her from the bottom of my heart.




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BandGeekAndProudThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
today at 6:26 pm:
Okay, first, let me say I really like this. A lot. But I think it could have done better without the rhymes. I think it stifled it a little. Also, the first line is a little odd and blocky. I really like the ending, though. It ties it all together very well.
 
ShahrierThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
today at 6:55 pm :
you're right, many people tell me my rhyming hold me back, and i do and will try to take your critique into consideration when i write more, but if you see my other poems, most of them, if not all, are somewhat heavy on rhyming because thats the type of writer i am. also, i really like yoour poems too. i read a couple.
 
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