How can I stand my ground
when everyone wants me underneath it?
I slowly start falling into
a deep hole as if it were dug
just for me.
At home is where it begins.
we scream words that
contradict themselves,
cursing at each other while
our vocal chords stretch
until our voices eventually
become hoarse.
but they don’t understand.
understand what its like
to believe but not achieve
to want something so bad
but just can’t have.

her happiness.
thats all I want.
I want her to feel
independent and strong
never worried nor wrong.
as the dark soil gradually covers me
I begin to realize how she suffers.
but does she know about me?
I get called names everyday
worthless and disgusting
irritating and annoying.
no, not at school by my peers.
but at a place I call home.
by my family.

my worst fear
is not living up to their expectations.
being successful
or at least seeming successful.
I want them to understand me.
I want her to be happy.
but he doesn’t make her happy.
i know it.
it hurts me to see her hurting,
because he emotionally
destroyed her.
causing her heart to
become numb.
Its like a bomb is thrown at me,
exploding my heart into
pieces, but not having the
ability to even comprehend
the pain. I know
she’s strong and independent.
but does she understand me?

the hole is buried to the top,
with the dark black soil
featuring me inside silently spoiling.
shes the one that calls me names.
shes the one
that doesn’t believe I can achieve.
its because of him.
they don't understand.

Its because of him that we
scream until our
vocal chords don't allow it anymore.
he doesn’t understand what its
like to be her
or me or us.
he doesn’t understand.
no one does.

I reach out to grasp for air
from underneath the dingy ground
but I just get knocked back down.
how can i stand my ground
when everyone wants me underneath it?